I guess my "why are you still married" comment I was trying to ask if you want to still be married to W. I know she has fired you, but you seem to be here on the board doing the work, so it sounds like you want to put in the effort to yourself with the hopes that maybe there's a chance down the road you and W can revive the R. Coming up with excuses to be unavailable to watch the kids doesn't fit with that narrative.
GAL is important and great, but it doesn't take over for your family. I think we all have to balance the fact that we are happy, content, complete individuals on our own (GAL) with the fact that we don't have to be busy every moment of every day. You have a lot of great GAL activities so I'm sure W has noticed.
Perhaps a "sorry I have plans" white lie would be better suited to someone who is still spending their time moping and around the house all the time. That would be a change for that person. But you are genuinely making changes, so I think showing your balance is important.
This brings me to my "respond to respect with respect" comment. I see where you're coming from, not wanting W to cake-eat or take advantage. But I do think it's a balance. You need to lay the ground work to show that you're an amicable parent/partner that is reasonable. So W's polite and respectful request seemed like the perfect time to mirror that back to her and show you take your parenthood seriously.
With this being said, if she were going out to meet with an OM that would change things. If it was out in the air and public that might be a boundary crossed where you could say, "W, I love our kids more than anything and happily parent them. But seeing as you are going out with OW while asking me to care for them, I must refuse as I find that inappropriate and disrespectful to our M. You will need to find alternate arrangements when visiting with OW, as I cannot condone this".
A couple more things though this is getting long:
You demonstrating your solo parenthood for potential court is another GREAT reason to watch the kids. Document this for sure. Good point
Originally Posted by Bo562
If W thinks a life without me (as H ready and able to care for the boys whenever she wants to go out) is really that great, I would argue that she may need to get a preview of what that life would be like without me around, like a visit from Ghosts of Divorce Future. I apologize if this sounds mean or bitter, but what exactly would she expect if we D? She gets invited out and I’m already busy? Better call mom, or find something / someone else.
I believe it was SoTorn who mentioned it earlier on my thread, but it seems like W only needs or wants me around when it’s convenient for her. That’s not a partnership, either. The boys are my priority, yes—the priority scheme is the boys, me, and then....her. W won’t reclaim 2nd place in that list unless or until she recommits to MR and talk of D / S ceases for real.
There is a great line in the archives that I've read a lot: Do you want to be married, or do you want to be right? Right now your W is not in the marriage. That's known. But you have the option to be in or out - and you make a choice every single day with your actions/inactions.
It's not your job to point out to W what her life will be without you. That's on her. Your job is to show her what life will be if she stays and recommits. With respect, boundaries, your 180s, PMA....all the stuff going on here.
