MLC? Confused what to do (Part 2)

[SteveLW]

First thanks for the clarification. Very helpful. Doses of reality for the walkaway/wayward spouse come in many forms. While I think it was idiotic of her to say this to S9, likely his reaction plus you standing your ground on her affair, as well as the financial details are probably what led her to send the text. WWs want their cake and eat it too. We can live here and be a family, but I still want to run around and be all GGW and single. Good job on holding firm on the "there is no us with OM in the picture". She needs to know that loud and clear.

I have been rather cold to her because it is hard to be nice or happy around someone who is openly having an affair and such. It is hard to pull 180s with her and be the man a fool would want to leave knowing all of what she is doing behind my back and technically in the open. How do I do 180s, make changes and appear happy around her knowing the affair is happening. I hope Sandi is able to chime in with all of this.

I have made it clear that I am not leaving the house. I have made it clear that I am not willing to be in an open marriage. I have started to show my feelings and emotions that I typically held in.

Be careful with this. The whole point of detachment is for you to not react to her emotionally. She expects you to be cold, and not nice. In fact, she is banking on it. WASs want their LBS to be upset because that is how they effect what they want. And what they want is for you to be hurt and upset, and then because of that hurt and upset do all of the heavy lifting of separation and D. "I offered to try anything but he wouldn't try. I pushed for cohabitation for the sake of the kids but he insisted on separation and D." When you are pleased, fulfilled, upbeat and present despite all of this it makes her realize that if she is going to separate and D then the work will all be on her.

And it isn't that you appear "happy", as much as you appear unfazed. As if you have accepted that separation and D is inevitable and that you are going to be okay. Remember, when you act cold and angry and treat her in a way that says yo are cold and angry, it cements to her that the decision she is making is the right one. And then it causes her to confide in OM. "It is so cold and uncomfortable in that house. I have to get out but I only make $900, and won't get enough spousal support to live on my own." You can see where that might go.