Ok, so how the events unfolded last night. When I came home from work, she told me that she spoke to an attorney. I said I hope it went well. She said it did and then sat down and started talking to me about what her attorney said. She did this because the other day, she had asked me what my attorney had said on spousal support, etc. One thing that she brought up was the spousal support would end if she moved in with someone else (cohabitation). She said her attorney told her that they could remove some of the spousal support or all. I told her that my attorney said that yes, they could reduce it and not eliminate it. However, he indicated that most of the times, when someone cohabitats, the spousal support would just be eliminated. I educated her also on the fact that the spousal support is not just based on her current earnings but based on what she could make with current degree, work experience, etc (she has a bachelor degree but chooses to work just part time making less than $15K a year).
I then asked her how she intends to be "roommates" with her financial situation. Her idea was that her pay of less than $900 a month would be for her to pay for her master's, pay for getting her hair done, and going out to do whatever she wanted. I then said, what about rent, electric, gas, water, internet, phone, etc. She said that she would have to figure that stuff out.
She then said that she needs this single time and hadn't decided out on moving out or living there. I said that living with me and being roommates and her just going to be with the OM anytime is not an option. She said this has nothing to do with the OM. She wants to see changes from me before she will be willing to work on us. I told her there is no "us" or trying to reconcile while she has a third party involved. She indicated that she can separate the OM and me. I said I disagree.
She then started trying to argue with me on the stuff I did the last 1.5 years. I told her I am implementing changes, The tensions rose. I told her that we can't work on our relationship if she is f*cking another guy. I told her either she chooses me and this family or she choose the OM and ruining this family. She got upset and said, you know what, we are done. I want a separation and stomped up to her room after I told her I am not arguing any more about this as she was pointing a finger at me and ready to say some hateful things.
Next, I saw her take my S9 up to her room and started talking to him. I was cooking dinner for the kids when I saw this. My two D7 went looking for my S9 when his food was ready. They went upstairs and came back and said that S9 is ok but he is in mommy's room with tears in his eyes. I went up and knocked on the door. S9 let me in and I have him sit outside the door. I asked her what she was telling S9. She said that she told him that there is a possibility that we would sell the house and move in separate houses or apartments. I then asked if she was trying to get him to choose a side or something. She said, no, I just asked him if he wanted to continue living here or the other. He chose to want to stay in this house. If we got divorced, I am the only one that can afford it based on income (spousal support and child support without earning it for a couple years would prevent banks from counting it as income and she would only get spousal support for a few years anyways).
I told her that I rather be there for any discussions such as these for when our kids are involved. She said understood. I brought S9 back int he room and told him that it is a possiblity but it doesn't have to be. I told him that there has to be work from both mommy and daddy to try to resolve this but if not, this could happen. He cried and hugged us.
After that discussion, she sent me that text. Before this, she was all about separation, leaving, being done. I don't know if talking to S9 and realizing that all that, she decided to send me that long text or what caused her to settle down.
So that is the events that took place. I have a hard time writing on my iphone so I usually type longer messages from my work computer since I type faster than on iphone messaging.
