I've been thinking about something since you wrote this DnJ and realizing that I don't really know what is meant by having no expectations. Does that mean not having low expectations either? I guess my MO has been to assume the worst at all times. But is that having expectations, even if they are bad ones? Is there a point in this process where you have to shift from that negative default to a more open-ended concept of what having no expectations means? Just something I've been musing on. If anyone else has thoughts, as always I'd love to hear them.
I have a bit different perspective. My own take about having no expectations is that we need to completely disassociate ourselves from their process and their outcome.
Many of us were the fixers who did the adulting in the relationships and so we have a very hard time letting go of that. It may be easier for me where I have zero contact with my ex, closure on the divorce, but I do still find myself watching out of the corner of my eye hoping perhaps that she'll fall and regret, or rise up and prosper.
I do think that this is an important part of our own healing and moving on. Removing that which tethers us to the past. From my experience in talking to divorced friends, very very few actually manage to do that. When kids are in the mix with practical and regular ties to both sides, I would imagine that it's impossible for them.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
