I know I've seen boundaries about not communication AP while in the presence of spouse, but I'm not sure if that applies to us since he isn't living at the house, has been gone for 10 months and is living with her. Thoughts?
From Wonka in the Validation thread:
"It is impossible to set boundaries without setting consequences. If you are setting boundaries in a relationship, and you are not yet at a point where you are ready to leave the relationship then don't say that you will leave. Never state something that you are not willing to follow through with. To set boundaries and not enforce them just gives the other person an excuse to continue in the same old behavior."
So here's my question, if you state a boundary of "you will not text OW while with S" then first, how do you even know who he's texting, especially when you're not there? Second, what "consequence" will there be if he doesn't respect the boundary? Boundaries are more about you refusing to be disrespected, like not letting him yell at you or treat you poorly. The consequence in those cases is you hang up on him, or don't reply to texts, or walk out of the room, or leave the house (depending on the situation). That's easily enforced. See the difference?
