Hang in there bud. Most importantly, grow a new and tight bond with your kids! I went through exactly where you are about 4 years ago. It was brutal, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't get worse. What I can also advise you on...as part of my GAL and to make myself feel better, I started seeing someone about 2 months after she filed for the D. Felt good at the time, but we ended up reconciling and it was a major barrier to trusting each other again, etc. W had feeling like I thought she was easily replaceable. Not true, but that's how she saw it...even though she was the one running, filing, and seeing someone else as well.
The new "friends" talk, doing "family outings," and things like this was exactly when she started thawing to me. I had definitely GAL and 180 and started a new life. Her words to me were, "I knew you'd become the man I wanted as soon as I left you." So if you TRULY want the R, be PATIENT. However, if you are unsure if you want the R, this is the time you need to figure that out. GAL and detaching is all part of being the new you...AND figuring out what you want in your old R with W or in any relationship. Look at this time as something positive...you get time for yourself to figure out a LOT of things about you and your needs. Sounds like the relationship was unhealthy, which you really don't want...so you know you don't want your old M back, so don't cling to it! If you stay M to your W or not, your R with her will be different from now on anyway!
Hope this helps!
Thanks for your insight Miler, much appreciated
Regarding dating, I have no intention of doing so before D or at least not until after we are in separate houses. (I am still in IHS at the moment). I have to admit that there are a few women in my orbit where a FWB thing would be game on if I wanted, but I am holding back on that for the time being as well. No need to complicate the current sitch.
I definitely do not want the current M, the W has work to do (so do I) if a R would ever be a possibility in the future. I am truly at this point not even thinking of an R with her at this point. My focus is on self-improvement, 180's, GAL, and handling the myriad of issues (custody, finances, etc ) leading up to D like a Boss.
