Good job listening. Good job understanding her story.
It sounds to me like things are moving in the correct direction. Focus on keeping the positive changes.
Review the list of "what women find attractive" again. Coach was a wise DBer.
Originally Posted by coach
CONFIDENCE
This by and far is the key. Women want to feel safe. A man that is confident projects that magnetism. A confident man is busy taking care of his home, career, body, cars, spirit, finances, mind and kids. When a woman sees her man handling his business and taking care of things it's attractive. Women nag when things aren't being taken care of, it's her way of letting you know what is on her mind. The problem is if you are a "nice guy" or pleaser you don't want to burden your wife with your problems because it might upset her. This makes her feel unsettled (not safe) because you are not being honest with her and you are avoiding her feelings. How can she feel safe if you can't stand up to her feelings?
One thing that was a huge 180 for me was how I reacted to my wife's worrying. I used to try and fix it, explain to her why she shouldn't feel that way and then tell her what I would do. (Women do you understand why men have this desire to fix things for you?) So the solution now is to really listen to her, try to understand her POV and then ask a probing open-ended question: "How can I help/support you with that?" It was eye-opening to me to find out alot of times that I wasn't expected to do anything except listen.
How to build confidence- get busy, take action, do something and talk about it.
Physical- strength training (it works wonders on the young men I coach), look good, dress like a man, walk tall, join a team
Mental- keep learning, read, take a class
Emotional - love yourself, know yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, let go of fear, be a good partner, become intimate
Spiritual - understand your light and dark sides, challenge your view of God, embrace quiet, pray, be grateful
What else is attractive? Make goals and plans then share them with your spouse (intomesee). Have a sense of humor and know when to use it. Build excitement into your life. Don't be to predictable. Be responsible for yourself. You define your legacy.
When you become responsible for yourself you have the confidence to "set them free." Your happiness and your life is all about you handling it the best for you. When you let someone else dictate how your life will be run then you are a victim and that isn't attractive. The DB techniques are all about doing healthy things for yourself. You are in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. So when your world is collapsing around you, how attractive is it to be in control and moving forward? That's the calm, assertive energy you want to give off. It's powerful.
Like to here more thoughts on what is attractive. I think the men here would like to her from the women and vice-versa.
