I emerge. I rise. I AM Phoenix9. (Phoenix9 DB XII)

[sandi2]

This isn't the way these types of relationships go! How is it that just three weeks after we started our trial separation that she can find someone on HER FIRST ATTEMPT and have it go over a year?

IDK how many "relationships" she had before she M you. Counting you, she is on her third man, and two of those were dishonorable. She's on her second OM (that you know about) while being M. Look at what she had to give away to get the OM. Are you really jealous of her dating record? Let me be clear. Her track record cannot be compared to one of honor and integrity. You still have your self respect, dignity, integrity, etc. She doesn't. You're jealous b/c your first attempt at dating did not end in the bedroom? Are you really going to use a cheat as your measuring stick?

How/why is she so "lucky"? I know logic plays no part in relationships in general and things just happen to fall into place, but dammit, why is it that she can get away with this?

Lucky? How do you see her being lucky? That relationship with OM came with a hefty price tag. She was willing to pay it. That's not luck.

Exactly what do you see her getting away with? Be careful, b/c it sounds as if your vindictiveness is trying to rear its ugly head.

Here I am trying to rebuild myself piece by piece ever so slowly and painfully. And now I am in the early stages of my dating journey, and I am already starting to experience the pain of it.

Why are you feeling pain from your first date? You must have had high expectations, if you are feeling pain. I suspect you are causing the pain. You are listening to old tapes in your head.

I counted the days since I last had such contact...423 days and counting.

What is the purpose of counting? It keeps your focus on how long it's been. You begin your posts with how many days it's been since the bomb(?), not sure exactly. My point is.........what's your point of keeping up with how many days you are suffering? Let it go. Let her go. Stop counting! It's like a daily reminder of adding another day to your painful journey. It reminds you to play the old loser tapes in your head.

But I'd be lying if I said I was feeling whole. I am not. I am missing a vital piece in the form of an intimate human connection. I know that I don't NEED that piece to live a good life. I know that I can't force things to happen and that things will happen at the right time.

I'm so sorry you are missing this type of human connection, Phoenix. (((hugs)))

Again, I want to encourage you to not focus on your WW, b/c it messes with your head. You become vindictive and it messes with your heart. I believe you are a good man who has made significant improvements. I encourage you to focus on people who have lived their lives honorably......instead of looking at your wayward W. Sometimes it appears as if the unrighteous prospers, and we question the fairness. There is no fairness in this life. We seem to think there is, but there isn't. If the unrighteous appear to prosper on earth, then remember that this is their only reward. Don't envy the unrighteous.