Should I expose her affair with her friends? She has mentioned that she doesn't want anyone knowing about the affair. She has these Zumba friends that she has indicated that she does not want them knowing at all. Or is that not a good thing to do? I had read that exposing the affair to her close friends, etc may give her a dose of reality.
On the same note, she wants to tell our children that we are separating but doesn't want to tell them that she is having an affair. Should I tell the children so that it helps get a dose of reality of what their mother is doing?
If you had a medical condition, would you want your W disclosing that to friends and your kids without your knowledge or consent? This isn't a matter of SHOULD you, it is a matter of do you have the right to do this? This is a personal issue between you and your W and you should not disclose to anyone without her consent.
You say you read "that exposing the affair to her close friends, etc may give her a dose of reality." Let me give you another perspective, and this was 100% the case in my sitch. If you break that seal it could have devastating effects for your marriage. First, once that toothpaste is out of the tube, there is no putting it back in. This could cause your W to say "well, everyone knows now, I may as well go ahead and move out or file for D. Or move to a full blown relationship, out in the open, with OM." Secondly, your W, if she changes her mind and comes back to the MR, has to repair her relationship with you. If you tell friends, family, your kids, now you are multiplying the number of people she has relationships to rebuild by the # you tell and that they in turn tell. If I had told my W's friends and family I am quite sure it would have cemented her resolve.
Also, for many WASs, facing people to tell them that they are Ding their LBS is one of the things that is keeping them from actually moving forward. If you do that dirty work for her, guess what? She may actually be relieved that now she can move forward and do what she wants to do.
In short Anthony, do not do this rashly. As with most LBS you are looking for a magic bullet that will fix everything. There isn't one. Please trust the DB process. Rather than focus on this focus on GAL, 180s, and detachment. You can't fix overnight what it took months, even years to get into.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
