Dilly - Yes, my sudden vulnerability would have been overwhelming for him. But to be honest, I don't think anything I could have done would have helped the situation at the time. He was not in a good place. Everything I said and did was twisted and thrown back at me. Retreat - I was cold and heartless, show emotion - I was clingy. He needed space to work himself out. Yes, we had problems, but he was (is?) depressed and, at risk of sounding like I am looking for excuses, he was (is?) having a MLC. Nothing I said or did was going to change that.
Now, a year in and I know he no longer sees me as the architect of all that is wrong in his life. However, my H is naturally suspicious and critical of people. Add to that he is so use to blaming me for things that it is now his natural go to. I can see the flick of anger in his eyes and his attempts to suppress it (out of guilt, out of the need to keep the peace, out of not wanting a confrontation) but it is still definitely there. Like an angry ghost ready to come out at any minute. A sudden change in his body language. This could be due to anything - my being late home, my not having any clean shirts ironed for the girls, my leaving washing in the washing machine. A side comment "how long has this washing been in here?" followed by a huff. I ignore it all. I walk away. Explanations fall on deaf ears. It would only lead to "the clothes will be ruined", "now I am going to have to iron it when I get in", "I don't have time for this", "why can't you ever be on time".
I know what he is actually angry at .. it is my having a life which does not include him. It is his loss of control and the fact that he cannot do anything about it. He wants to know and he can't and this is where the anger now stems from. The passive aggression today (unlike at BD) tend to focus on my GAL and how this means not "being with the children".
I will open up again when I no longer see the resentment. Until then, I know that he would only use it against me.
