First off, it is good hearing from you Fogg and I’m looking forward to a catch up with you outside of all this again.
This has been difficult. I do not want to string him along, I am just not feeling certain. I worry that in 6 months things will get bad again and then I will say, ugh I should have ended thing 6 months ago when I already went through the drama. but at the same time, I do recognize some really outstanding morals in him. He’s a known evil. It’s arrogance and a lack of a filter. There will be others that are perhaps charming, but frequenting hookers, or abusing kids, or bipolar or still hooking up with their ex or god knows what. I don’t think I am that easy of a person to deal with either. I’m still really traumatized over ex.
If I do end things, I have absolutely no desire to date for a while. I’m not happy with a lot of things right now and I need to get myself back. I don’t feel motivated or attractive or hopeful. I’m on a bad routine. Not exercising or eating like I normally do and I need to make changes ASAP.
I have money saved. In another part of the country I would be able to afford a house. It’s really frustrating that I’m stuck here. The really small starter house in my neighborhood from the 1960s tthat needs tons of work and updates in my school district is just under 500 and the taxes are 15 grand a year and I see that and I just want to cry cause I see no way out. The home prices keep going up as do the taxes. I need a partner... just like the old days but can’t trust a partner or rely on one.
