TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[TJT]

In case anyone is still following...

Life [censored] and then we die is basically where I'm at, hah.

I really want to write up everything that happened with the guy I started seeing. I think it would be really helpful to see the context. With others in my life I've explained the situation to, they tend to agree that it didn't seem like this guy was a snake. If he was, he was a really good one (and I fully understand that that's possible). And IF that was the case, what a cruel situation for me to have to go through after everything I've already been through.

The short story is that he honestly seemed really into it. I was (so I thought) very careful about my own behavior and actions AND his (trying to gauge red flags) but we did mesh really well and everything seemed very genuine and natural. We communicated SO openly and checked in with each other regularly to make sure we were on the same page. It all seemed good. But he went on a trip for family and then with friends, came back, apparently got offered a new job another state over and said it was his dream job and was going to have to be selfish and it wouldn't be fair to me to try to make it work because I'd be putting more into this than him, blah blah blah. I did ask if he just changed his mind about me and to be honest with me - he emphatically denied, said he really liked me and thought about everything he had going on here including me, but he just "has to do this".

On one hand he could have just ghosted me or been an a-hole about it...so the fact that he said all of that makes me semi believe our "relationship", while short-lived, really was mutual. But on the other hand to go from talking about the things we were talking about and the time we spent to suddenly "I don't have time for anything", it did seem weird. I recognize this could just be another person who has their own issues to deal with, that he said all the things he said to make himself feel better about it, and that no matter how much I like the way this person made me feel, they are not the person for me.

I don't know how many times I'll have to deal with situations like this but I'm already tired of doing the song and dance for nothing! I admit I had two days of the same panic and anxiety that I had with my H... because man, guys, I was so happy for those 3 weeks. It sounds lame and I'm sure naive but it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was amazing to be able to look forward to dressing up and going to dinner with someone. It was amazing to spend evenings with someone. It was amazing to get texts from someone again. And YES I've had all of those things with friends but it's just not the same. I really thought I'd have a long-term relationship with this person - I trusted and while some may argue I shouldn't have, I don't think that was my fault. I certainly didn't trust completely blindly. I watched for things and never heard that alarm (even looking back now, because trust me I analyzed the crap out of the situation, reviewing texts and everything to try and see if I was just in la la land).

Ultimately, the good that came out of this is that I now know it's possible again to have those feelings. The bad is that I now realize how fragile I really will be in any new relationship, because this was only a few weeks with someone; what if I get into a relationship that lasts a year and it's still not the one and that doesn't work out either? I've talked with friends and my IC about these things and it seems there's nothing abnormal about what I'm going through, but like I said... being in this situation royally [censored], and I want it to be over and onto my next happy phase of life ASAP but in reality I know this "transition" period is really just beginning.

Separately, I've been reflecting on the sitch with my STBXH and even despite this happening with this other person I still have no regrets about moving forward with the D. In fact, I filed the decree paperwork, which he signed with no problem, and I will be going in tomorrow for court to hopefully get it ordered and finalized by the judge. It's been a year since we had moved into our new home, which is an important milestone to me because it's easy to benchmark how long our relationship was rocky, and I knew it had been happening right before moving into the house. The more time and space I get between our whole sitch and my future, the better I am feeling at this point. I want to be rid of it and move on and hopefully find happiness, even though I am totally finding it to be like navigating a foreign universe and it's really, really stressful.

This does kind of bring me to a weird place on these forums I think. Since I'm no longer trying to save my marriage or even any kind of relationship with my ex, do I have a place here anymore? Is there a separate board for people like me who may now need a place to vent and get advice about dating or even just our own behaviors in relationships after having D'ed despite our best efforts? I'd like to be able to tell a "success" story one day of someone who was able to move on and have a good life despite what my H put me through, which I think is equally as important as the sitches where recon happens, since we can't fully control whether that happens or not.

Anyway... thanks to anyone still reading!