Midlife crisis wife

[ovrrnbw]

Wolfman,

what's up buddy? I got caught up on your thread this morning. I notice a theme where you make a change and then look to her. She notices it, then you wonder why she is still proceeding with the divorce. You also like to read the tea leaves quite a bit. Neither of these behaviors are benefiting you at all. I understand why you are doing them, but it won't help you. You are having a emotion vs. logic battle, so go ahead and ensure that your logic wins this one. You also state that your W may be MLC, well that should be enough to tell you that her actions and words won't be making too much sense. The answer is to detach emotionally and allow yourself to think logically. Be cognizant of your emotions and learn to manage them.

It took a long time to get to the divorce phase, it will take a while to get out of it. Your W is involved in a mental turmoil, and she is not sure about anything. But I think you are hoping your changes are going to "snap her out of it" still. And while they might, nobody knows when or if that will happen. So stop worrying about that. Read those threads that R2C linked, they are gold. The more you let go of her and work on you, the better of you and your sitch will be.

She said “when people separate they separate, not live in the same house.

I'm curious, did you somehow stop your W from moving out and separating in the way she described? If not, you should have casually reminded her of that. I'm 32 with no kids, but I can tell you that children act out. Children with an unstable home act out more. They act out for reasons that you may know better than I. Her blaming you is just a sign of her inner pain and turmoil. Don't take it personally, your W is hurting.

Stop being her doormat, but do it in alignment with your belief system. Don't be a jerk, don't be a pushover. Your current feelings with subside, find an activity to take up your time until then.