The bomb woke me up, but she still won't talk

[lusa]

I have read here before about the WAS who is actively involved in an A changing their behavior towards the bewildered LBS just before they go and see the AP or when they make contact with the AP again. Trying to create some kind of justification or for their behavior or to appease their guilt, it now looks like that is just what's happened to me.

I found out yesterday that Tuesday night / Wednesday morning's rare show of disrespect coincided with her resuming contact with the AP.

She had an old FB account since before we were M. Soon after we were married, when I found her communicating with ex-MIL I explained it wasn't ok with me and had to stop. She listened to me then and stopped the communication. I was too naive to insist the account was deactivated, not that it would have made any difference anyway.

This FB account then became secret and at some point around 3 years ago she resumed contact first with ex-MIL and then with ex-H. This was their main means of communication while her EA was cemented and in her words in a diary they "made great strides in their new love".

I can currently monitor the number of unread notifications on this account and it has been my main source of intel. It showed me that she had stopped logging on and checking messages around 3 months ago. I have been checking this once a week or so and the number of unread notifications slowly increased each week, 1 on V-day for example till it got to 23. I checked again yesterday morning and found the number had gone down to 19. This means at the very least she has been reading his messages of love, if not replying and full-on resuming contact. This feels like the last straw for me, I now feel betrayed, battle fatigued and finally completely done with all of this.

Last week I was so eager to find out how to "address her EA", now I just want her out of my life. Even with the best case scenario, involving her properly ending the EA, I would still be living as plan b waiting for OM2/BD2. She would still be wayward and I don't see her going through the process to rid herself of that. She doesn't love me enough, she has way too much stubborn pride and wouldn't be willing to do the hard work on herself. The last thing that has been keeping me hanging on is protection of the kids, but I can't carry on like this, I need my dignity back.

I just want to tell you that your kids are my kids age and they will be fine as long as you and your W are able to treat each other with respect.

Hang in there man!

Thank you LH this gives me strength, I love them so much I'd do anything to protect them but can't carry on like this.