Clinging to Hope

[hope2019]

I think I just feel confused. Doing LRT and going very dim, it obviously worked as I distanced he pursued, and so we ended up being intimate which seems to be against the rules. So now I just go back to LRT?

I really struggled last night and for the first time in a while couldn’t sleep at all. Just feel so angry with myself and so lonely. He gave me so many opportunities to get help and fix my insecurity issues and I failed him and me so many times. I know regardless I will change for the better but I just want him back so badly.

The trips away for him are allowing me to do a lot of 180s because I used to call him all the time or be angry when he returned. We are zero contact now whilst he is away and then when he is home he avoids coming home until late every night and retreats straight to his room. Trying to have patience. I know it’s not even be a month yet since the BD. I just feel so out of control with everything in my life. And really so very down right now.