Nice to see the gains from the sessions with your I/C. Doing the inner work on ourselves will not be a waste no matter what the outcomes is. I love your attitude of wanting to make the most of your time. I found that sometimes I just got stuck on something and couldn’t quite figure it out, no matter how hard I tried. When that happens just sit quietly, and relax, in time the answers will present themselves.
Good for you in recognizing her patterns. Many MLCers will be nicer when they need or want something and meaner when they are off playing with the unicorns and fairies. You are doing fine, keep giving her space and time.
I hope the house offer is accepted. A good solid base for you and the kids, sounds like a good plan.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
My wife did a touch and go and now she is gone again. She has been a better mom as of late and is focusing on the kids. Thank God I was worried she would flee. I am not sure why she has been around and even tried to talk to me a little. I didn't reciprocate so I think she is mirroring my behavior.
So I heard today that my wife's O/M is married. She said he is just like Father5 and that his wife kicked him out because she isn't in love with him anymore. So what everyone is saying is true she is mirroring in her relationship and has dated down. It isn't bothering me like I thought it would. She is clearly having a crisis and I am feeling empathy fro her. this isn't the women I love she wouldn't have done this. I am standing for her hopefully I will be waiting to hold her hand onm the way out of the tunnel. On another note I went to fun Mardi Gras party tonight and made a few new friends and had a great time. I also am in escrow on a new house as they have accepted my offer. I am GAL and I am not the same person I was when she left.
You are sounding good. A great time at Mardi Gras party, and an accepted offer on the house. Excellent!
So OM is a married man. Affairing down is a pretty common theme here.
Originally Posted by Father5
She said he is just like Father5 and that his wife kicked him out because she isn't in love with him anymore.
Who is “she”? Your W?
At any rate, be careful with information from W. MLCer’s are master manipulators and will twist their stories to their own ends. They will expend incredible energy to maintain their fantasy. Thier illusion must be maintained at all costs.
You do seem quite detached. And your desire to stand and remain empathic to her is admirable. Kindness and compassion are noble goals and very good headings for oneself.
Keep up the GAL activities and the focus on you and kids.
You are doing well.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I am doing my best at detaching but mostly I am able to just stay dark. I do best when we don't communicate at all. The one time she came around me I got nervous. I know this is something I have to get passed and I think in time I will. I am getting out there I like to think I am not waiting around for her but I know deep down I am. I do have time and I know it is my friend. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss my wife and best friend.
These feelings on nervousness. Oh man, those are so hard. I remember when seeing her, or discussing things, how nervous and mixed up I’d get.
You are right, you will get passed this, and it does takes some time. It is difficult at first to consider time our friend, I’m glad to see you’re ahead of the curve.
And it’s ok to miss your wife and best friend. I still miss mine.
Loving detachment and letting go. Those are pretty good goals, in my opinion. I believe they are well within your ability to find.
Stay strong.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
So we had a hick up yesterday and my wife is refusing to sign off on the new house until I meet her demands. OH Boy she has completely checked out now. Wants to meet with a mediator to settle some things. There really isn't much to settle she is upset that I seem to be moving on and am able to afford a home. My wife is well off on paper she owns a bunch of apartments and such. I am essentially broke this house would have taken half of my life savings for a down. Though she is cash strapped she has income and retirement that I am not entitled to for the rest of her life. We borrowed 40K from her mother years ago before we were married and she would like me to pay half of that back. legally I didn't sign anything but I did borrow it with her. This would take the other half of my savings I would start with zero at 46 yrs old.
She also isn't happy with the kids schedule she wants to go travel so she wants every other week instead of what we have now which is I have M,W,F and every other Sat. I asked the kids and they seem to like the schedule. The transitions are smooth she drops off at school I pick up and vice versa. I can't go without seeing my kids fr a whole week, I just can't.
I have decided to back out of the house at this time. The kids were sad about it but I will fight for them at all costs. I really am at a loss for words I didn't see this coming.
Doing ok about the loss of the house. As I am sure it is part of the Di-sease. I didn't see her doing this but it has opened my eyes. I am more hurt for the kids as they were excited about it.
I haven't heard a peep from my wife. She seems to being mirroring my N/C. Coming from a family with 5 kids in the house the quiet is the hardest part foe me. I have an appointment with my I/C today so that should be good. Other than that nothing new to report it's all quiet here maybe too quiet.
