Clinging to Hope

[hope2019]

It’s so much easier when he isn’t here to almost pretend he doesn’t exist and then I can easily do no contact. I’m not sure if I did it wrong or right last night by being intimate with him. I’m just not sure it’s right for me to reject his advances. He definitely isn’t having an affair. He just became so unhappy, homesick and many, many troubles from his family, recent work stress and my issues all just got too much. Sadly all those problems are fixable.

I know whatever happens I am going to be a better person, I am going to fix my faults. I am not going to let myself fail again in the future. I wish I could have done these things before it was too late but that’s neither here nor there now. I’m hoping I can delay the divorce enough to give him time to think but I don’t think that’s possible.

He and I are so meant to be together. When things were great they were out of this world great. Just going to keep doing my 180’s, I literally changed overnight from contacting him all day every day, via text and calls, to not at all. Not once. I also did a 180 by not following him round the house, when he came home from the first trip I think he was shocked I didn’t make an effort to see him. I was too cold. I need to find the middle ground. Please hope and pray for us.

I saw the father in law from my first marriage today when I picked up my daughter. All he said was I’m sorry about H. I immediately started to cry and so did he. Everyone loved him, even my ex in-laws. Everyone knew we were meant to be together. I just wish he hadn’t given up on us so quickly. Feeling weak today, but I won’t give in to the temptation to contact him so he can have a nice boy’s trip without having to worry about all of this.

This is more just me thinking out loud because I feel lonely.