You have to figure out how to carve that quiet time out because you know your schedule better than anyone. Can you take a few minutes out of the morning and just look out the window at God's beautiful creations? You don't have to do anything major to create quiet time. Put on some soothing music and sit down until that particular song is over and then get back to work. You go to church, that is the perfect area for quiet time. Walking will give you time to reflect as well. Until you let go of the fear and turmoil that you have within yourself, quiet time isn't going to be easy. You are allowing his threats to create so much turmoil within you. When you let go and call him on his so called threats, they tend to back down. We all know that he really doesn't want to take care of the children. That is called responsibility and he has already indicated he can't deal w/it even for a few hours, but he knows that this is your "toy" from the sandbox and he's trying to take it away from you. When you give it to him, sure he'll want to play full time daddy for a while, but then he'll lose interest in the tug of war and let things be.
As for going dark in a residence w/the MLCer living there too....you can't. You can go dim and treat them as roommates as much as possible. If he talks to you, you respond w/short, but polite answers. If, at all possible, do not ask him to do things for you. The less you ask of him, the better because his anger is already boiling w/resentment and the more fuel you pour on that fire, the hotter it is going to burn. Normal people enjoy talking about their day or interacting w/others. Generally roommates share responsibilities in the apartment, but your h isn't normal right now. He's an anger teenager who doesn't want mom to ask him or tell him to do something.
I didn't mention divorce in my postings to you. I addressed the issue of custody only and what you might want to try to ease the path of communication w/your children if it comes to point of not being able to communicate w/them. I don't advocate divorce unless it is absolutely necessary.
Gerda, I wish that I could sit down and talk to you about your situation. I'm sure that there is much more going on than what you share here that could help me help you.
Last edited by job; 03/03/1901:03 PM. Reason: Add link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
