Making sense of nightmares

[Fogg]

Juju,

I think what Don said is something you can work on regardless of how this R goes. Holding things in and letting then fester will be the long term death of any R. It resentment is just too much after so long.

The nagging and negativity is the thing I can’t take. My mom is like that as well - she constantly notices and b!tches about everything and everyone, as if she knows it all and it invokes strong reactions in me. it annoys me, makes me want to argue and makes me not trust her opinions even if some of them are right. My mom has recently changed a bit as she saw how well the positive reinforcement has worked on my son.

^^you said the negativity isnt something you can take, yet I think you keep waiting for him to change. I think you seen your mother change some and believe either he will or you can make him change, nope... It just wont happen. I cant remember the specific numbers but there was this study that looked at long term relationships hat said maybe 90%of problems in a relationship are unresolvable. Also, the things people argued about in the beginning of a relationship are usually the same things toward the end, even if its 50 years later. What matters to those who make it longterm are how they communicate through that conflict, but not that the conflict is resolved. I see two options in your circumstance, you either accept the arrogant and negative person he is (which isnt necessarily wrong, its just different. Its who he is) or you part ways. If you want something to change with the dynamics it will be you that has to change, expecting him to change so it works out is a fantasy that will leave you disappointed. Only he can change himself, only you can change you.

I know you see all these good qualities in him and many are ideal after what you experienced with ex. I get that and I'm sure it's a difficult situation to handle, I hope you can figure a solution soon to relive this internal pressure one way or another.