Brave Little Gerda Faces the Cutting Winds

[job]

Gerda,

I want you to sit quietly and think about what I have written. You may even have to pray a bit, but you both appear to be very stubborn and nothing is getting done when both of you are standing your ground. Someone has to give an inch to start the process of healing and getting something done w/respect to the marriage and the children.

If your h follows through on his proposed course of action and the court approves it, the only thing you can do at that time is adhere to what they state. However, you can go back in and request another hearing at a later date. That will give you ample time to provide proof that he is an "unfit" father who cannot handle the responsibility of taking care of children 24/7 on his days to have the children. I realize your children may be miserable w/him, but he is their father and in many states, they do not care unless there is proof of abuse, he's a danger to himself and others or he is an addict, or is incapable of taking care of them. Your children are old enough to speak up if the court will allow them to state what they want. Have you asked about this?

Yes, you are coming across as his mother, i.e., authority figure. He sees you as a controller who is keeping him in line and isn't listening to him or allowing him to be a father to his children. Maybe it's time you step back just a bit and change up the way that you address issues w/him. Instead of telling him, put the ball in his court with questions that can have at least two different answers.

Gerda, you need to take a good, long look at how you two are interacting w/one another. Both of you are playing tug of war and no one is winning. Someone has to give that inch in order to move forward one way or the other. Your interactions are toxic not only for the both of you, but your children as well. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.