Rocky Road

[Miler]

Nightly update -

Very little interaction after the good morning exchange initiated by her. She texted me once throughout the day to ask about a work project that we work on together. About an hour before S11's basketball tournament game, I texted her to ask when was a good time for him to call so I could talk to him before the game. She responded immediately and called when she said he would. Spoke to S11 who was very talkative and excited...which really got me in a good mood. I heard him say, here mom, dad wants to talk to you after I told him I loved him. Not what I say, but I rolled with the punches. She was very upbeat and warm with standard responses...although she did give me a quick story about something funny related to S16. I ended the short call by saying I was excited for S11 and his team and she mimicked my excitement. I was very upbeat and warm. I asked 2 or 3 questions about her day to which she gave positive but short answers (essentially telling me that she's had standard boring day). She asked about my day.

I tell you, it's still super hard. My mind wanders...can't help but wonder what's she's thinking, where her head is at, or if she's going to be distant again when I get home. I guess I'll know soon enough Sunday and Monday in MC.

I have to admit, I just wanted to make sure I had nothing to worry about. A few people on my thread warned about potential EA/PA. I checked our family phone, text, and data records. She's had calls and texts to 3 numbers since I've left/ Her sister, her mother, and to a pottery company 2 states away. I looked through our Life 360 account and she's been to the grocery, Target, and my kids' schools since I've left. Hopefully, this will make me less anxious...I'm a ball of nerves at times during the day (though it does seems to be getting better).

I also went through with the haircut today. Looks good. Also did a little shopping and picked up a nice pullover during my lunch break. I'm continuing to read on loving detachment, secrets to healthy relationships, and emotional intelligence. I can just about guarantee that if we reconcile, I can do this...I can be a better me, a better H. And if we don't recon, I can still do it. It's all going to take practice, but I will certainly approach Rs differently.