Don, our heart to heart turned into me losing it and telling him how I couldn’t stand the negativity and that I didn’t want to invite him places with me and I’m disconnected from him cause he’s so critical and that he doesn’t listen just thinks his ways are the best etc. He said he doesn’t know what to say and that it was never his intent to undermine me. That he holds me in high regards and knows I’m a good mother and that he feels like he could help based on what he went through. He said he has frequently heard it’s not what he says but how he says it. He said he is not the type to sugar coat his opinion and is always honest. He said he feels like I took 7 months of stuff and just threw it at him. (Not true, I have brought it up in calm discussions - he just didn’t get how upset it was making me)
I don’t like the disagreeing with me. It makes me do the opposite even more and I don’t know why. One time he told me something he ended up being 100 percent right about and I did opposite just cause I was feeling this sense of adversity with him from other things. When friends or family make suggestions or posters make suggestions I never get ruffled. With him I do and I don’t know why. maybe the tone? There’s a cockiness in the way it’s delivered maybe? Sometimes he takes a strong stance on something that does have 2 sides to it (for example medicating a kid with adhd) and doesn’t address the 2 sides. Only his side. For me, I am looking at both sides cause it’s my kid and because I’m general things are never black and white.
Now that you mention it, I do notice that you sometimes bring out that defensiveness in some posters. I can’t pinpoint why, but it’s similar and it might make some people want to prove you wrong. you do not tell people what they want to hear, only what you think which is honorable and relieving in someways but might feel like a lot of cynicism for someone as well.
With bf it was feeling like too much of the pointing out bad with no good things going along with it and it’s exhausting.
