Midlife crisis husband and separation

[hope2019]

I'm volatile too. And I didn't know until really recently that what to me - as a pursuer - feels like panic and distress and a desparate bid for reassurance and affection and empathy and acknowledgement and comfort looks to my distancer husband like anger and aggression and punishment and threatening behaviour. I think you will find The Solo Partner really useful.

This was so eye opening to me, I think you hit the nail on the head for me here. I never realized how my behavior was being viewed. I think you and I are learning lots about ourselves (have been lurking on your thread for a few days). I used to be very secure and so did my husband, my attachment became anxious and so his became avoidance, those two things don't work together so now I am trying to focus on my attachment being solely secure.