Hi FS, this is definitely something I'm wrestling with...And you're right, I get sooooo many mixed signals! The issue I have with minimal contact/going dark is that one of our marital problems was that I distanced. And only now can I see how very painful distancing is. So if I distance more then dh with his fear of abandonment might decide to run for good. But I can't pursue because it comes off as clingy and desperate and pushes him away. So I'm trying hard not to pursue but just to send the occasional friendly text and respond to his texts. Enough to not distance but not enough to pursue, it's a tightrope and sometimes I fall off! But behaviour change takes time and if we're going to rebuild our connection then we both need to trust that the changes between us are permanent because our marriage wasn't in a good place for quite a few years and we can't go back there again.
And I am GAL, this week marks a turning point in that I feel. Obviously this separation and dating and him visiting our home can't continue forever, but I don't feel like I can put an ultimatum out there yet, dh isn't ready and he says every time I open an R talk 'don't ask me because you won't like the answer'. So I'm focusing on building our connection, restraining my overly negative or needy emotions in front of him in favour of being vulnerable occasionally and showing him we can have a better marriage. Whilst trying not to be overly hopeful for the future. That is so hard! I might yet change my mind and change tack but I'll try this way first because things are moving in the right direction so far.
