Thank you Peace, you always bring me peace. I'm trying to see things in the most positive light and be grateful for what I have for sure.
KML, this is really becoming clear to me. I think it has always been this way, I think my pride got wound up in this and pushed him up in importance. Glad I have made my way through my fog.
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So, I did have a chance to test my theory that OD was pulling away. When I got back I checked S's phone. Not much contact, a few texts, back to not much substance. No phone calls. No checking in on S when I was obviously out of town. Minor chastising for S not responding to him even though I think it was a cover for not contacting S for days. Then he asked S where to pick him up. No communication with me.
He picked S up from school and then they came here to get S's vehicle. S popped in briefly. From his mood I could tell there was an issue with school, and he made a comment about not having a choice about what was bothering him. I can always tell now. After he left I confirmed it. Another missing assignment and in view of what he said to me, I felt it was important to have a talk with him. Since he was out with OD and at his counseling appointment, I texted OD and told him I needed to speak with S tonight about some issues with school. I told OD that it would be great if he wanted to participate, and if he did not, that was fine too. Surprisingly he read the text right away and responded.
They showed up here. OD still looks awful. Was wearing the same new shirt and a different pair of new pants. They both looked even tighter than before. Still no sign of the ugly coat. OD put his phone face down on the coffee table (remember the time prior he was waving pictures of her in my face). Was it to honor my request, because he knew she or someone would text, no idea.
Went through the background of the problems with S and school. Wanted to make sure OD and S heard everything and everyone was on the same page. I told S he doesn't have to go to this top school if he doesn't want to, but that I was not hanging around here for the 3rd rate choice, that we would sell the house and move to the place I want to go. S said what about my activity. I said they have your activity there. He said oh yeah. OD said nothing, but he should have definitely heard that I am getting out of here when the school thing is over.
After the summary, OD jumped right in being fatherly, mostly supporting what I have been telling S. I had S do his course form for next year so OD couldn't claim he didn't know what S was taking or the courses were too hard or whatever. Seemed as though the two of them had been discussing the options. OD was being good with S but would not look at me. S was looking at his feet and I kept saying, for both of their benefits, that it was polite to look people in the eye when they are speaking to you. S went to his room to get a form. I said is there a reason you aren't looking at me. He said I'm just tired. And then he was better with eye contact.
OD seemed in a rush to get out of there. I would put his time in the house at about 45 minutes. I said you never commented on the pictures of D. He said she looks good. I said no, she looks great (she has lost a bunch of weight, kept it off, and is stunningly beautiful). He didn't really say anything. I played him the recordings I made at the recital. He seemed bored. I told him I wasn't thrilled about her living situation (I want to buy a condo near her school and have been trying to work into a discussion of selling the house to make that happen), he showed next to no interest.
When we were done with the discussion and forms for S he jumped up and announced he needed to go (had been texting someone). I walked him down. I said when we spoke previously I told you it bothers me when you don't acknowledge when I go out of my way to send you something pertaining to the kids (such as the pictures and recording). He said I'm grateful. I said I hope you are planning to keep things up with S, he wants you in his life and he is a good kid. He said I want to be in his life. I want him to call me Sunday and I want to talk to him about his schoolwork next week. He mentioned D and said something about not knowing her or talking to her or something. He said maybe someday or maybe not. I said don't say that. You have to keep trying. He said it wasn't in his control. I said it is in your control (meaning his effort, his apology, etc.). He said I'm not arguing with you about that. Then, in a dismissive way to let me know he was leaving, he said, can you shut the garage door after me.
So, warm and paternal with S. Made a rude comment about the house. Was annoyed at the cat sniffing him. Wouldn't look me in the eye but mostly on the same page about S and his schoolwork and activity. Clearly back in the mode that people just need to move on and if D doesn't want anything to do with him that is fine. No mention of the separation agreement. No mention of meeting to get it done. No mention of the auto insurance he hasn't moved. Still hasn't produced the health insurance cards. Not a full cycle away, but definitely a retreat. Very eager to get out of here, presumably to meet up with someone. OW2, OW3? Who knows. It is going to be very hard to get to the selling the house talk with him if he keeps this up.
