I emerge. I rise. I AM Phoenix9. (Phoenix9 DB XII)

[Phoenix9]

Well you seem to have handled yourself quiet nicely in the bar. I'm not sure what you meant by moment 1, 2, etc.
Touching your arm was a signal she was attracted and interested. Playing with her jewelry may have been a sign she was a little nervous or excited, IDK. I'd put more money on a woman (at least young ones) playing with her hair as a positive sign she's attracted to you. Another sign of positive body language, is when she is sitting with her body turned in your direction.

I felt that too, Sandi. I kept trying to think logically and told my heart to slow down because I may be more interested in her than she is in me, but everything that happened was...easy. I did not have to think about what to say or do (too much). The flow was very nice.

No, I don't see it as a red flag. I was going to tell you (before I read where she spoke up about it) that you had let too much silent time lapse between first meeting her and the rescheduled date night. She probably got cold feet and told herself she did not know you well enough. So, from now on, when you meet a new lady and get her phone number, put that phone to use. If the date is a week away, then maybe give her a call about the middle of the week. Don't talk a long time, and don't call every day before actually going out on a date together. This is a way of getting better acquainted with each other. It's also a way in which she can detect your personality, without getting distracted by your good looks.......and vise versa.

It is making better sense in light of what she told me of her emotional availability when it comes to pursuing romantic interests. I'm trying to keep it slow by communicating every few days, but everything I have been reading is that I need to initially set up the first few dates then let her come to me and pursue me. I just thought by keeping that much of a gap that the interest between us grows and that when we would meet again, the date would go well to the point where affection and even sex may be possible.

As for how you conducted yourself throughout the evening with her, I think you did well. A few pointers I would make is to not discuss your recent sitch with WW. Not on the first date. If she should ask about your marital status, just tell you are separated or in the process of D, whatever. If you and the woman should have a continual dating relationship, then you would tell her more information, but I think freshly separated people should not discuss their previous spouse/marriage on the first few dates.

The only other suggestion I have is not to tell the woman that you are amazing, AMOAFWL, or that any woman would be lucky to have you. It's fine to say it on the board, but not to your date.

I think I let the confidence I have gained turned me into a person who can express myself of who I am. I should remember that talk is cheap. It's actions that speak the loudest.

By reading the way you were beating up on yourself about how you had pursued her.....I thought you must have slept with her on the first date, or hounded her until she accepted a date. After reading the real account, I don't think you pursued anymore than she did. If you had been initiating all the texting and calls, then it would have been too much. You really need to stop being so hard on yourself.

That is something I have been working on. I am forgiving myself and giving myself more leniency when it comes to matters of the heart. This is carrying over from when I was DBing and was told that the WS is also responsible for the sitch and that even if I did make mistakes to weaken our MR, it was the other person who decided to take it down. While dating is a lot less serious compared to the loss of a MR, I am getting more comfortable with their decision to move forward or not as not a reflection of what I said or did. She may not have much interest and that's ok. I know who I am and who I am becoming. Many people are loving who I am and who I am becoming. I am attracting many more people, men and women alike. It's just going to be a matter of time.

I don't know what happened in your growing up years, and it's not necessary to know. Whatever it was, left you feeling as if your best is never good enough. I hope you won't see the suggestions I made as strong criticism. I think you did a great job at the bar and asking for a date. It didn't sound awkward or pushy. She seem to have enjoyed your company the night you met to eat.

I was picked on a lot in my younger years, and I took all of that to heart. My self-esteem was shot by the time I entered my teenage years. It has been a very slow climb to where I am now.

I am very proud at the results I got from the meeting, the communication in between, and the date. From the way we both felt, it was a very successful one and I made all of the right decisions and said the right words to make it happen.

By what you've written about her, I don't really get a feeling of her playing you. If she has come out of a bad relationship, she may be very cautious. I picked up on that the night at the bar, when you offered to go sit together. She wanted to return to the "group". To me, that suggested she felt more comfortable being in a group when she is meeting a man for the first time. I think when she did not hear anymore from you after giving you her phone number, she could have felt that you had lost interest or whatever. We could guess at what she thought all day, and it would be pointless.

I don't think or feel she is playing me either. I think the attraction is genuine. She is just being slow and cautious. Just like how I should be taking it.

I want to encourage you to date others. Please don't get serious about the first woman you date. You have a lot to offer, so be picky and take your time about commitments. It breaks my heart that you are starving for physical affection. There are a lot of people in the world who feel just like you.

I am working on the casual aspect. I have a social event I am going to tomorrow and next weekend as well. I carry myself as I have a lot to offer. And I'm working on building on that.

I'm doing good with the lack of physical contact overall. I know my time is coming. It a matter of "when" not "if". Patience is something that I learned is a gift.

Anyway, I suggest you wait for this woman to initiate the next contact. You are not in a committed relationship her and you don't need to be right now. I mean, even if she texts you again, that should not stop you from going out with someone else. Don't sit home wondering about this woman when there are millions of other women out there. I'm not certain I understand what you mean when you say you don't know how to slow down. When we tell you to go slow, we are saying don't jump back into a committed relationship before you have had time to date several women. Don't go out there dating, with the thought you are looking for your next spouse. Just date to have fun, expand your social life, and have a little companionship. Make sense? Don't get into another bad marriage, simply b/c you crave physical affection.

She texted me yesterday. I haven't had time to respond yet but I plan on doing so tonight. I'm going to see if I can coax her into another date. I still sense interest. I'm going to see what I can do with it.

I'm excited at the upcoming social events. I'm hoping I can continue to get more dates. I'm really liking where I am right now.

When I read about how your W pursued sex the first time you met face to face, it makes me wonder about her! I thought it was you moving too fast, but it sounds as if she was the instigator. I am old fashion, but if you were my son, I'd tell you to run from women who want to have sex when you first meet. IMHO, that would be a red flag!

Get back out there. Don't see everything as a rejection. It's not. It's often a blessing, and you just don't see it. Mark it down as experience and move on to the next woman. ((hugs))

Looking back, I was extremely desperate. I am happy that the relationship turned out the way it did, pre-BD. WW showed me what love can be, how amazing it can be, and that I am capable of being loved. If I can do it for WW, I can do it for many others. The advice I have been given here has been priceless and instrumental in my growth. It makes sense that I go familiar sources to continue my growth as I begin the journey of finding love anew.