I think you need to hold the line until you see some of her anger and aggression dissipate. She believes she has control of this situation and has no intention of succumbing to your terms. I suggest you tell her you need space & time away from her b/c you have a lot of decisions to make about your future. Tell her not to be texting, b/c you don't won't be answering......and not to get any of her friends to intervene for her. This will definitely put her focus on wondering what you will do. Let her squirm. Let her get mad. So what? She will probably contact OM out of desperation, but what else is new? If she thinks she's lost her Plan B, she's going to start sweating.......which is good. She needs to worry that she's really lost you!
So, rather than hand her a list of requirements right off the bat, I think I would simply tell her (if she continues to pursue you) that you will need to be convinced things are truly over with her & any third party. If she starts swearing on someone's life or grave.......inform her that unfortunately her word is currently worth very little. If she persists in wanting to save the M or ask what can she do to prove to you........then you can bring up the passwords, transparency, etc.
This is a very critical time, and it's the point that many LBH's don't pull back hard enough b/c they are too eager to save the M and afraid the WW won't pursue. If you are not certain you want to try it again, then take all the time you need.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
