So yeah - thanks for those quotes Ready2Change. I read nearly all of them, many 2 or 3 times now.
I am still confused why I shouldnt ask her to move out now that I have all but the silver bullet on her A. She is more or less ignoring the kids and quite frankly when she isnt here the 3 of us (2 kids) have a great time. When she is here there is odd tension in the house.
I also see in these quotes a lot of recommendation to 'out' the cheating spouse - to parents, boss etc. That I have not thought of and frankly to me seems like the wrong path to take. What is the current recommendation here (lots of those posts were from 2010 or so).
The WW keeps scheduling 'out' nights and days away now on our calendar. I did mention that the kids are noticing her actions and that she should start doing the right thing for the kids. She didnt take that very well.
Don't involve the kids and use them as a reason for her to change. That is manipulation by trying to guilt her back. If you want to save your marriage, keep the road home paved smooth. Outing the WW may make you feel justified and feel good short term, but think about it long term. How hard would reconcile be if everyone knew and told you that you were a fool for taking her back? How would she feel that you told everyone, and most of all, how would you feel for not holding this in like a man, and just dealing with it personally? If you need to confide in 1 or 2 close friends of yours and not hers, then do so if its safe for you.
Everyone will have different opinions. If you don't plan to recon and you're sure to D, then I don't think it's a bit deal if you are 100% sure.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Let's be honest, the WS is usually too lost to realize that people do figure out what they're up to. I didn't tell many people but people talk, WS make SM posts, etc.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Let's be honest, the WS is usually too lost to realize that people do figure out what they're up to. I didn't tell many people but people talk, WS make SM posts, etc.
This is true, but its also true that LBS want revenge and they want the WAS to know who returned the dagger.
WAS puts dagger into LBS back. LBS returns dagger to WAS chest. Best to avoid all this. IF WS wants to go to SM, that's on them.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
What is the current recommendation for financials while in this limbo state (WW wants divorce but nothing filed (yet)).
For example, I see that she is still using my amazon credit card for products (both for the kids but also for her personal stuff). Do I remove that or wait until papers are filed? I am buying my own groceries, doing my own laundry etc... we are still IHS and not really talking FYI.
Cancel your credit card if you don't want her using it.
Well, this is an amazon one that is shared via prime membership sharing. I can simply remove her from me prime membership and she wont be able to see the CC payment anymore I would assume.
But the question is larger here.... Does one want to remove shared financial *before* anything is filed? Obviously, this would more than likely piss off the spouse and further remove chances of reconciliation...
svdad, you will get suggestions to cancel it. I would concur except the D isn't even filed yet. My suggestion would be to just watch and wait. If you start seeing her go overboard, then sit her down and have a conversation about spending and boundaries. My concern is that if you do something that upsets her she will file for D out of spite. I am not suggesting to appease her, but I am suggesting that you not rock the boat unnecessarily.
A lot of times LBS do things like cancelling credit cards in a passive-aggressive manner. That rarely helps your situation. Don't do anything out of anger or spite. I am a proponent of DBing. Detachment. 180s. GAL. Nothing in those principles suggest cutting her off financially. There are sitches where that is called for, I do not think yours is one.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
