All of this for me just reinforces you have to look at the individual sitch. Jumping from one LTR directly to a new R is not healthy. More and more I see really lonely people who are very sad and hate being alone accepting the affection of just about anyone who will make them happy. I think it is so important to be happy by yourself before adding in a partner but sadly I'm very clearly in the minority with that. I totally stand by bring 100% alone for no less than 6 months prior to anything beyond casual dating and one year is much better. Yet I see over and over again where people rationalize why they don't need to wait that year or thunk they already did only because they have not had sex with their partner. The interesting thing is after they push forward and ignore or explain away everyone who cautions them they later admit they dated too soon and should have listened.
Thanks, Don.
If I can be perfectly honest, I do know deep in my heart I’m not ready for another LTR. Heck, I haven’t even been served D papers yet (but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens soon, tbh). That said, I do hold out *some* hope for recon, even though I don’t think it’s likely, and I’m not interested in recon-ing or piecing with W as she currently is, or as our relationship currently is.
And I’ll admit the opportunities not just for intimacy (though in another post I mentioned that I’d probably wait for remarriage before sex, but that’s just me), but for attention and affection are incredibly tempting, given the last year-or-so to my sitch overall (I’ve only been on the board since November, but this started for me about a year ago). I speak in general—I don’t have much that is specific happening to me (very few people know what’s going on, and I still wear my ring). Though, in the event W and I end up D’ing, I would hope for remarriage at some point (theological implications for me aside), but that is also wayyyy for down the road. Like AS (and others) have commented on my post, I’m plenty young, which is nice, no matter what happens.
In spite of (or maybe because of) my sitch, I have given thought to this topic more and more recently (dating in general, while separated or divorced). While I’m sure at least some of it is born of present sadness and loneliness on my end, I also wonder if at least some of this is also born of hope for a future down the road—for me, I wonder if this is a sign of progress that I’m even considering these thoughts at all.
What I’ve been told in my thread, and what I’m coming around to, is the idea of being happy alone—hopefully make myself so awesome and amazing that there will be a woman who will want to come along with me for the ride. The attention and affection and validation, if I were to receive it now, would make me *feel* happy, at least in the short-term. Long-term? Probably not so much—I don’t want to end up in another bad sitch later on. I need to figure out what I want from a partner, as well as where W and I stand, before I go down this road.