Quotes found on Divorcebusting (7)

[Ready2Change]

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So I stumbled upon a line today, that really made me think, holy cow, this makes sense. It doesnt apply to all of the sitches, but for some of us, it clarifies some patterns we engage in our minds when we are crosschecked by the marriage breakers aka ww's.

I dont recall it word by word and unfortunately I don't recall the webpage from where I stumbled upon it, but it goes something like this..

"When my kids were younger, and their rooms were a big mess, I would ask them to clean up their clothes and toys - most of the time, they wouldn't acknowledge my request, and just left it be. I took the approach of taking one of their old toys from their toys shelf, typically a piece that they hadn't played with in years (a mcdonalds happy meals toy for example), something they know they have, but disregarded completely. Then I would take said toy, and I would let them know that it was going in the trash, since I was now cleaning up their mess. The thing was, that every time this happened, my kids would have big protests, and would declare that I was mean for having thrown that toy away, because it was the best toy in the world and by far their favorite toy".

When I read the above, I just figured - wow... well, that applies for me really, and it has A L O T to do with attachment.

I had my wife, I had my life, I got complacent, and she was my toy on the shelf. I am proud of who I am TODAY, not who I was, so I have no problems admitting, that she was my toy on the shelf, that was not "played" with, the way she deserved - and funny enough, when she left, then she was my favorite toy all of a sudden, the toy I couldn't live without, but at the same time, the toy that wasn't the new toy on the self a month prior to her saying "its not working anymore".

Does this mean I think im 100% to blame? absolutely not
Does it mean it justifies her cheating on me and using me? absolutely not.

Does this mean I am reflecting on myself and my past relationship in order to grow and be better aka finding my 180s? absolutely!

Does this mean I realize, that I made her fill up my every thought and made her the "toy" that I didn't need, until it was trashed, and then I couldn't play with any other toys? absolutely - and I am wiser now. Life will be great.

Take it for what it is - it made a lot sense for me, especially regarding being attached and why that might be that we feel so attached and unable to do anything right after the announcement, when in all honesty, we were perfectly able to when we had our wives /husbands on the "toy shelve".