I can only add my personal view and to a large part I agree with Ginger. To date before you have truly healed is unfair on both yourself and the person/people you are dating. The measure of that (for me) is not whether you have a piece of paper saying you are divorced, or a piece of paper saying you are legally separated. The measure can only ever be you.
There are some members of this community who move from BD to D within a blink of an eye. ILUBINILWU to D so quick they barely have time to breath, much less process and accept. But the choice to D was not theirs. It is, as it nearly always is, their (now X) H or W. Others, like me, are stuck in limbo for so long that the idea to pull the plug ourselves raises its head almost daily. Does the LBS who divorces quickly be in a better position to date, because they are no longer legally or morally bound to their S, then I, who over a year in, am still no closer to D then when this started.
I have not tried dating but I have been intimate outside my M. Let's be honest, that is really what this thread is about. Having dinner with someone is not 'breaking my vows', going to the movies with someone is not morally wrong. You break your vows when you sleep with someone. You commit a sin when you sleep with someone. I did not feel guilty. I did not feel like I was cheating on my H. I also did not feel ready. So I retreated and continued with my journey.
Let me be clear - we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary 2 months before BD. We had been together 15 years at the time. During the full run of our relationship I did not once consider cheating on my H. I loved and still love my H. But one year and one month after he told me my H told me he was unhappy, I slept with someone else. I chose someone equally emotionally unavailable so I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. I felt no guilt. D or no D, my M is gone. That was my choice. It was not a conscious one but it was a choice non the less. My heart is open to a new relationship. My heart is also open to reconciling with my H. I am willing for both, or neither to happen organically. One day, I might actively pursue dating others. Not today though. Like reconciling with my H, meeting someone new might or might not happen. I am going to try and live as fully as I can either way. That is all any of us can do.
In regards to children, should I meet someone worthy of meeting my children, then I might consider introducing them. This is a much deeper commitment then simply dating. I expect, if I were to date, it would be a long long time before I was committed enough to introduce them to my kids. My kids emotions are too precious to [censored] about with.
