Been a long time and wanted to know how are things going on. Haven't visited this forum in a while as I have been fairly busy. but I thought of updating the latest happenings with my stitch.
So Ex contacted me after a very long time (~1 year of separation and almost 7+ months after divorce). Woke up in the morning to see an email from her in my inbox.
Says she contacted me solely as a friend, wellwisher and that she is happy and no regrets. She says she has grown up over the past year and advised me to take help from a sexual therapist to allegedly fix my impotency issues if at all it exists. And gave a list of medical terminologies and suggestions and ways to follow up with a urologist to get needed help. She also pointed out that she honestly doesnt know if it was a physical issue that restricted my sexual abilities with her or if it was just plainly because of HER. Finally says she is just looking for the good of me and my happiness.
Obviously I wont be responding to such a frivolous email. But I wanted to know forum members suggestions and inputs on this.
Hope to hear from you soon!
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
I would just ignore her. Thats some seriously random crap to send you
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Actually I am a bit confused as to why this was even sent out. I had at one time requested to come with me for sexual therapy. I had visited various sex therapists and although nothing was wrong i even took medications. I feel for a proper sexual relationship to occur the vibe and affection has to be from both sides. Both of us need to sacrifice be patient, listen to each other and address one other's concern. This email from her raises a lot of more questions than answers - clearly pointing out that this person doesnt have the patience or the moral values in case the partner falls ill. She will just leave him to die rather than working to find a solution.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Nutcrac, this is her continuing to justify what she did, trying to make herself feel better and less guilty. "Hey, I am doing good, hope you are too. And by the way, your sexual problem was probably all my fault so I did you a favor. You're welcome."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Actually I am a bit confused as to why this was even sent out. I had at one time requested to come with me for sexual therapy. I had visited various sex therapists and although nothing was wrong i even took medications. I feel for a proper sexual relationship to occur the vibe and affection has to be from both sides. Both of us need to sacrifice be patient, listen to each other and address one other's concern. This email from her raises a lot of more questions than answers - clearly pointing out that this person doesnt have the patience or the moral values in case the partner falls ill. She will just leave him to die rather than working to find a solution.
Thanks Steve85.. What do you think of my above quote? Are marraiges only defined by sexual satisfaction. I am sure at one point of time both parties wont be interested in sex but rather the warmth and care from each other. But again i guess it varies from person to person. This was seriously i feel an unwarranted email after such a long time.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Well she has worded it in a diplomatic way. She says she honestly doesnt know if it was an issue that she caused that resulted in my impotence or if i was the reason.
From my perpective, it was both sides. She used to be moody pretty much all day. She shut me down emotionally, i lost physical attraction and we ended up as friends. She even lost trust in me and started verbal abuse calling me impotent and gay which caused more distance and issues. We both lost faith in this relationship with the result of her divorcing me in the end. I was against divorce until the last minute.
Anyways i feel issue has happened over both sides. At least I know my mistakes. I had even offered her to work together to fix it based on a sex therapist advice which she clearly refused saying she has no interest in working to fix this and wants a divorce. She had put on quite a lot of weight and i offered her to go together to gym( i used to go regularly). She vehemently refused. What else was i supposed to do? The only way for her to move on is to figure out her side of mistakes and understand which may take time. I am not here to give advice to her on that. Its upto her to figure out her issues and find the prince charming she wants in her life.
We had a very pious relationship. Except for the sex issue i did everything from my end possible single handedly to save this relationship. She simply threw it away. It always requires two sides to make it work.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Actually I am a bit confused as to why this was even sent out. I had at one time requested to come with me for sexual therapy. I had visited various sex therapists and although nothing was wrong i even took medications. I feel for a proper sexual relationship to occur the vibe and affection has to be from both sides. Both of us need to sacrifice be patient, listen to each other and address one other's concern. This email from her raises a lot of more questions than answers - clearly pointing out that this person doesnt have the patience or the moral values in case the partner falls ill. She will just leave him to die rather than working to find a solution.
Thanks Steve85.. What do you think of my above quote? Are marraiges only defined by sexual satisfaction. I am sure at one point of time both parties wont be interested in sex but rather the warmth and care from each other. But again i guess it varies from person to person. This was seriously i feel an unwarranted email after such a long time.
Nutcrac, when everything is okay with a relationship, and there is a connection and good sex life then sex is only about 10% of the focus of that relationship. When things go south and there are sexual problems, it becomes 90% of the focus of that relationship. Not sure if that answers your question directly or not, but what I can tell you is that my W had sexual issues for a big part of our marriage, and I stuck by her and supported her. Things remained pretty good. But then I got impatient and pressured her and made it worse. I have no doubt your W did that and it exasperated the issue for you. So yes, you are right. Relationships are more than just sexual satisfaction, but the lack of sexual satisfaction in a marriage is something that needs attention.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve85. That makes sense. In my case, I only had deep emotional connection (One Sided) and I lost physical attraction towards her due to her bad attitude, consistent belittling and verbal rampage. On top of it she gained significant weight due to stress and that made her totally unattractive to me. I am a person who does quite a bit of health management and try to keep myself fit but she went down south. That caused rift. I tried to explain to her in a gentle way and she took it in a demeaning way (I know it is wrong to address women's weight issues, but not sure how this displeasure needs to be conveyed to a woman. I am still learning it). From then on she started judging me on everything i said or did and lost the trust in me. A little bit of a listening ear and open mindedness would have gone a long way. That was missing big time in her in this relationship due to her lack of interest in fixing the relationship.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Pretty busy these days. I have a lot of activities and a lot of projects lined up. I hardly have time except during weekends when i binge watch something on TV.. Otherwise, rest of the days, work, projects and gym schedule some outside activties has been my life. Had a few interesting dates too. But have kept them on hold for now. Overall its quite positive except that I am single
How about you? I knew you had some undecided reconciliation issues with your ex in the recent past. Hope that has all been sorted out?
Last edited by Nutcrac; 03/01/1907:16 PM.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
