Making sense of nightmares

[Dawn70]

Let me start by saying I think it is good that you are questioning whether you are being hyper-sensitive since you are already "looking for something" as you put it. I don't really think you are being hyper-sensitive in the case that you laid out, though. Just based on some of the things you have posted about your BF, he seems to be a bit of a negative nelly. I don't know if this is his natural setting in general or if it is just in his interaction with you, but being with someone like that is just thoroughly exhausting. I think that everyone has an off or down time on occasion, but to be that way all the time can be draining for those around the negative person.

I'm not sure what state laws are in your state (or even where you are, for that matter), but here, IEPs ARE a given for students with different learning needs. Now, that is NOT to say that you haven't worked hard for your son and have really done your best in being present and making good decisions for him that are having a positive impact on him, as reported by his teachers. That is AWESOME! But, having been in the public school system and teaching a vocational class that got a lot of mainstreamed students, I know first-hand that everyone of them is supposed to have an IEP. Of course, how effective that IEP is relies solely on parental involvement and follow-through, so again, I'm not saying you haven't worked hard because from what I'm reading, you are one of the parents who is doing it right and I commend you for that. It is a lot of work on the part of the teacher, the parent and the student and all of that has to happen in concert with each other. I say all that to say that maybe your BF doesn't understand all that and that is why he kind of blew off your major efforts to help your son succeed. I know it is a struggle for you and your son and I know you work hard to help him to do and be the best he can. I just wonder if maybe BF doesn't really see all the effort because he is not as present as maybe he should be. I don't know what your arrangement with him is regarding how he interacts with your son, but in order to have a good, strong, positive relationship with you, he does need to understand the extra needs that your son has and the extra effort that it requires on your part to insure his best education.

I do agree with your first statements in general...that people need to connect with but not correct the children. In a serious relationship, you need to know that not only are you safe, but your child(ren) are as well and that does require a connection to be formed between your partner and your child. You want to trust your partner with keeping your child safe, but you don't want your partner taking on the main role of correcting your child. I do think it is ok for a partner to ask questions (NOT in front of the child) about the way things were handled, not to say someone is doing something wrong, but to try to better understand how the parent is handling things. To me, that is all part of open communication that strengthens the relationship. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I guess what it boils down to is that BF should be engaged with and connected to son if y'all are at that point in your R and he should definitely understand the needs and requirements your son has in order to achieve success in the classroom. If he's not willing to understand all that or continues to be negative and undermine you, maybe it IS time to cut him loose.