Ovrr - I think our posts must have crossed over so I didn't see yours when I responded. I know he wants to connect, if only because I am the mother of our children and he loves them dearly. I just can't do it. I feel the knot in my stomach and the pain in my chest. He wanted me to react to those photos the way his mother would have done. With lots of ooohs and ahhhs and don't you all look lovely, asking lots of questions along the way. I couldn't do it. I looked at them, felt the emotions about to erupt, pushed them back down, smiled and went to make myself a cup of tea.
You are right. I cannot control him. So it is easier not to be with him. Perhaps this is pushing him further away. IDK. I can charm the pants of a stranger but I can't even be civil to my H.
In any case, energies positively pointed in different directions. I am taking the kids into London on Saturday to watch a show and am going out next week to a comedy club with one of the mums.
DV - I don't know if he gives me hope. He withholds anything which might be taken to be 'interest' in me as a person. No questions about me, my life or my work. I am the mother of his children, the babysitter, the driver, the cook and person who keeps a roof over their head, that is someone he needs to maintain a 'civil' relationship with. In the past we tried to be a family - sitting across from each other at dinner, smiling and making small talk about the weather. But even then, I wanted to shake him and say "What are you doing?!?!?". It ended up hurting me so pulled back and he has responded by not inviting me. He still spends an ordinate amount of time at the house but never when I am here. I set such a cold temperature that he leaves quickly when I am home.
I am not in any way shape or form spinning. I have a fullish life and I am for the most part happy. I will go on, as I have been, muddling my way through, trying to keep my head and my heart focused on a positive future, and in the meantime, trying to cause as little harm as possible.
