Since our separation I don’t go crazy cleaning the house anymore. So, it gets a bit messy now but I don’t care. One of the first things she wants to tell me about is house the house is a disaster and what a mess it is and asked me if I stopped cleaning up. I told her I was still straightening up it’s just that my 2 kids are slobs and keep making a mess. She said the house is disgusting and that she could just give it away. So, I validated her feelings that the house is a mess and the kids need to do a better job at cleaning. Then later on she started to tell me how relaxed she was on the cruise that there were no problems. Except for my D who is 11 who always is a pain in the butt. Obviously on a cruise you will be relaxed it’s vacation. She tries to push my buttons because in the past I use to have a temper. I told her I am glad it was relaxing.
I feel like maybe Im confused. Youre going to blame your house being a mess on a 11 and 8 year old? When you know damn well that she doesnt lift a finger? Maybe better is "Youre right that the house isnt looking great. Would you like to set up a clear plan going forward about who will do what to keep things nice?" She is trying to push your buttons, like you said - are you going to cower or stand up for yourself?
Originally Posted by Wolfman
she said she doesn’t want to be home because of the situation in the house. My D never said that. She always try’s to make me feel bad because she wants me out of the house. I told my wife what do you want me to do? She said she just wants this divorce to be done and that we have months before it will be finalized. I told her we have mediation on Thursday, I don’t know what else she wants me to do.
Like this. What are you asking her? You KNOW what she wants. For you to just....go away. So what can you say thats stronger? Maybe something like "I think that there are ways to resolve this situation in the house." Or just say nothing. It doesnt really matter what your W wants right now, right?
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I told her I am sorry that this is happening. She said I don’t need to apologize anymore but here’s the thing. She said she wishes I have been doing these things sooner. And right now she has so much anger inside of her. Again, I said I should have been doing these things sooner. She said I know and then I said good bye and left. Does this mean my changes are working and I just need to be patient? Or is there something else?
What are you sorry for, exactly, in this moment? Stop trying to placate her. Stand up for yourself. "Youre right, this does suck. See you later." Not everything needs to turn into a minor R conversation.
