I think you handled it fine other than I wouldn't have brought up at all what she doing. Your still attached but that is normal due to the speed of your BD to D. In time when she has those melt downs you will shrug your shoulders and get a laugh out of it.
I was also deemed as selfish in my marriage but a lot of it was because I always took the lead on things we were going to do and never was given any push back from her. Then when things got bad it was always "we always did what you wanted to do".
Not to hijack, TF, but this sounds exactly like my XW, LH. I was controlling and selfish because everything we did was what I wanted to do. Looking back, there might be some truth to that, however, the thing that is overlooked is the fact that I always went to her to discuss/approve whatever it was I was suggesting we do or buy. Never once did she tell me 'No' or that she didn't agree. How is that on me? If I don't know that she felt differently about something because she didn't speak her mind, I always assumed she was in agreement with whatever it was.
It's just sort of sad/mind boggling that that is essentially the only thing she can 'cling' to as a reason things we awry.... She even admitted in C that she has always felt the need to do/please the male in her life due to her past abuses. Basically, that even if she didn't agree, she would keep quiet about her opinions and agree with whatever it was because that is what I wanted and she wanted to make me happy. Again, that is somehow my fault....
Sooooo frustrating. But, on the bright side, I don't have to deal with that anymore!
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
