I think you handled it fine other than I wouldn't have brought up at all what she doing. Your still attached but that is normal due to the speed of your BD to D. In time when she has those melt downs you will shrug your shoulders and get a laugh out of it.
I was also deemed as selfish in my marriage but a lot of it was because I always took the lead on things we were going to do and never was given any push back from her. Then when things got bad it was always "we always did what you wanted to do".
