My kids have been back nearly a week now. It has been nice having them back and things have reverted back to normal. D12 is still having problems but we are working through them (slowly).
H and I have barely spoken. I avoid him. I do not like who I am when I am with him. Being with him opens me up to all the old insecurities. I never start a conversation, and my responses to his questions or attempts at conversation are always short and to the point. I can see he is trying, but I cannot face him anymore. We had parents evening at D9's school the other night and I met him there. I purposely made sure I arrived exactly on time. He looked at me and said "cutting it a bit fine" and I responded "I didn't want to hang around too long". When he came to pick up the girls the other morning he arrived early (I had the girls ready) and when he came in I said "As you are here, I might head off" and kissed the girls goodbye and got in my car. It hurts that I can be friendlier to strangers than to the man I married.
When they came back from their holiday he showed me a photo book he had made whilst they were away. He and the girls had had a photo shoot done. He passed it to me and I flicked through it, commenting once or twice on the girls tan or a dress that D12 had on. The photos were beautiful. My girls looked beautiful. My H handsome as ever. This was a photo album of memories - which don't include me. My emotional barriers went up and all I wanted was him to leave my house so that I could sit in my room and cry. I am not sure how he expected me to act when I saw it. I am pretty sure my lukewarm response did not register well.
