My butterflies and thoughts of H will just not leave me alone. I'm concerned for him. He has health issues that don't seem to be a big problem right now, but worrisome all the same, and this work issue of which I know very little about.
If I'm truthful, I also sometimes ask myself "why can't he choose ME and 27 years of marriage!". Why can't he turn to ME when he is down.
Because he thinks our M and me are the reason he's unhappy. That's why.
But I'm not. Our M is not. He's the reason he's unhappy.
He will someday want to chose to be happy, or he won't. But it's his choice. I told him as much a week ago. Now I really need to HEAR it for myself, and believe it.
I'm really looking forward to seeing my counselor on Friday. I really need to regroup.
My connection with God seems to be elusive this week. I'm praying hard, but it's not giving me comfort like it did a few weeks ago. I need to learn how to turn off the broken record called anxiousness.
I will continue to pray, keep busy, and remind myself H is out of my control. I can only control my peace and happiness. I've got to get back to that.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Chirst Jesus." Phil 4: 6-7
