The trip was to CO and when she returned home she bought something from a smoke shop, I know because she paid with the joint credit card.
How do you know she brought "it" back, or that it was paraphernalia? I mean it could have been a t-shirt or something, who knows. Or even if it was paraphernalia it may have been a gift for someone else.
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I haven't confronted her about the purchase or her use of the card, though I've talked to a few people about it and decided to tell her I don't want any drug paraphernalia around my son, acknowledging that I have no real evidence that she is exposing son to that, but have seen enough to be concerning and warrant me speaking up about it. In typical fashion I have "made a decision" yet taken no action.
I wouldn't take action until you know for sure there's something actionable. I mean if you know she's doing illegal drugs around S then by all means do something about it, but if you're just guessing then I would take a wait-and-see approach.
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We are going to a school open house this Friday. Last week we had a respectful phone conversation about school plans for son. I felt very deflated and sad after having such a respectful conversation in which we both expressed our concerns and desires for son's wellbeing. I was thinking "why can't our relationship be like this all the time?"
Don't be sad when things go well. Michele says to celebrate the 1%. If your WAS is mean and nasty 99% of the time and wonderful 1%, then celebrate the 1% and it will encourage them to make it 2%, then 4% etc.
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She initially agreed last night, then sent me a long text this morning changing her mind, talking about how disrespectful I am, my family treats her like trash while hers respects me, she's helped me in the past (she brought up the lockout), I haven't helped her (the meds, the vacation). She says she changed her mind because I talked to son about it before her. I had told him it was my birthday this week and I was excited, and I'd like to have dinner with him on my birthday.
W also emphatically stated that I abused her to the point of her wanting to die.
So W feels disrespected. I think I should validate that (help with wording would be appreciated). I don't want to be alienated from my son, and I don't want W holding the keys to my relationship with him.
Well if you're looking for advice on validating, then say something like "It sounds like you felt disrepected and abused, I am sorry you have felt that way in the past. I would appreciate it if you allowed me to see S since it is my birthday, and I would be happy to allow you the same on your birthday. I will be disappointed if you don't allow this but it is your decision since it's your time to have him and I will respect your wishes."
