Well I don't pass judgment on anyone here for dating before D, but I will just say that my personal experience was that I thought I was ready to date long before I actually was. I started dating maybe a year after BD thinking I had gotten over my ex and was healed and ready for a new R. But many things about our situations do not truly become clear to us until much later. With the benefit of hindsight I can see now I wasn't ready and it slowed down my healing and progression.
If I could go back and do it again I would have waited another year, so 2 years after BD. That may seem like a long time but I was with my ex for nearly 25 years- most of my adult life. And going back to dating from there is very tricky business. Your mind is hardwired to this person, when you date it just feels wrong at first. Like you are the one having an affair. Maybe people who have been married for 5 years or less can adapt quicker, but if you're coming out of a long-term marriage it is a very difficult, emotional transition. It is not something to be rushed or taken lightly.
DB'ing is all about patience. When in doubt, do nothing. That applies to dating too, if you are 90% sure you are ready to date then you aren't. If you are 100% sure then you probably still aren't ready. Be patient and give YOURSELF the gift of time just as you give it to your spouse.
that seems more logical time but also scares me deeply. I am only a few months post BD almost 3 now. But i know im at 0% right now . It hurts to know that it will probably be a year + easy before id ever feel comfortable dating again. It really does suck to go through, but we are all going through it or went through it already . I dont have 25 years but 17 under my belt so its going to take awhile.
