Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

Time for some updates. Turned out W did think I was going to talk to my mom to ask if she could take son to school on a Tuesday. She was angry, saying it was a request for our son, and it's my mom so I should talk to her. The bridge was burned between W and my mom for a year now. I think the request was for herself, and should have taken responsibility. In the end I did end up making the arrangements because W didn't. It was stressful for me being the middleman coordinating care for my son between my mom and W's mom. In the end yes I did it for my son, but the reason I had to do that for my son was because his mother neglected to take responsibility herself.

Another thing that I have been sitting on: The trip was to CO and when she returned home she bought something from a smoke shop, I know because she paid with the joint credit card. I haven't confronted her about the purchase or her use of the card, though I've talked to a few people about it and decided to tell her I don't want any drug paraphernalia around my son, acknowledging that I have no real evidence that she is exposing son to that, but have seen enough to be concerning and warrant me speaking up about it. In typical fashion I have "made a decision" yet taken no action.

We are going to a school open house this Friday. Last week we had a respectful phone conversation about school plans for son. I felt very deflated and sad after having such a respectful conversation in which we both expressed our concerns and desires for son's wellbeing. I was thinking "why can't our relationship be like this all the time?"

Conflict continues around me wanting to communicate daily with my son, and W saying son doesn't want to talk to me and is annoyed by me calling. W says I am disrespecting her by making plans with son and not her, that I am not respecting W's wish that I call only once per week. I think she is alienating me from my son and I don't think she should be controlling how I communicate with my son.

My bday is this thursday. Since I am driving down for the open house friday morning, I wanted to come Thursday night and have dinner with son. I asked W to bring son halfway, and I offered to keep son overnight. She initially agreed last night, then sent me a long text this morning changing her mind, talking about how disrespectful I am, my family treats her like trash while hers respects me, she's helped me in the past (she brought up the lockout), I haven't helped her (the meds, the vacation). She says she changed her mind because I talked to son about it before her. I had told him it was my birthday this week and I was excited, and I'd like to have dinner with him on my birthday.

W also emphatically stated that I abused her to the point of her wanting to die.

So W feels disrespected. I think I should validate that (help with wording would be appreciated). I don't want to be alienated from my son, and I don't want W holding the keys to my relationship with him.