Acceptance / Discipline / DB / LRT / NC / Divorce

[SteveLW]

Excellent post Ginger.

[bubbs16]

I'll throw my two cents in here. I couldn't even imagine dating while your still married no matter what your spouse is doing. That would absolutely make me sick to my stomach. In the end we all have our own values, beliefs . In our own relationships us lbs were loyal to our vows and our spouses werent. So obviously ya everyone will see things differently here... If you want to date that bad I guess you could always file for D if your spouse isn't doing so , that way you can get it over with and start dating. To each their own

[Davide]

I knew I would stir up a hornet's nest with my comment. (Sorry for the hijack Did)

There is a certain holier-than-thou tinge to stating that everyone is free to do what they want even though it goes against your core values. You don't need to sit in judgement of others' actions in order to feel righteous in your own.

I agree that a LBS needs to heal on their own, and it is not healthy to use another person to do that. That's not a moral judgement, but rather a practical one. It's also irrelevant to the question of dating while separated.

That said, I would agree that I would proceed with caution before introducing D4 to another woman. One month is not enough time to know where a relationship is going. I am dating a woman with a three year old. We have been seeing each other for a month and there has been no talk about me spending time with the child yet (there is no father in the picture it was IVF.) She doesn't want to introduce someone who might not be there long term into his life. And that is without the complication of an ex or a divorce.

[SteveLW]

I knew I would stir up a hornet's nest with my comment. (Sorry for the hijack Did)

There is a certain holier-than-thou tinge to stating that everyone is free to do what they want even though it goes against your core values. You don't need to sit in judgement of others' actions in order to feel righteous in your own.

I agree that a LBS needs to heal on their own, and it is not healthy to use another person to do that. That's not a moral judgement, but rather a practical one. It's also irrelevant to the question of dating while separated.

That said, I would agree that I would proceed with caution before introducing D4 to another woman. One month is not enough time to know where a relationship is going. I am dating a woman with a three year old. We have been seeing each other for a month and there has been no talk about me spending time with the child yet (there is no father in the picture it was IVF.) She doesn't want to introduce someone who might not be there long term into his life. And that is without the complication of an ex or a divorce.

Please continue this discussion here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2839357#Post2839357

[SoTorn]

I'll throw my two cents in here. I couldn't even imagine dating while your still married no matter what your spouse is doing. That would absolutely make me sick to my stomach. In the end we all have our own values, beliefs . In our own relationships us lbs were loyal to our vows and our spouses werent. So obviously ya everyone will see things differently here... If you want to date that bad I guess you could always file for D if your spouse isn't doing so , that way you can get it over with and start dating. To each their own

The bible says that if your spouse is unfaithful that you have no duty to uphold your vows and can divorce them. There is nothing morally, legally or religiously wrong with dating after your spouse has tossed your vows in the trash and started having sex with another person.

A marriage doesnt work when only one person cares about the vows. All that does is hurt the LBS. If someone wants to date after their spouse cheats on them and tells them ILYBNILWY, they should be able to do so when they feel like it. I for one have zero interest in R with my WW. My WW treated me horribly and cheated on me and decided to stay wayward. I am not going to waste the rest of my 30's hoping that she sees the light and decides to apologize. I found another woman who treats me well and I am absolutely enjoying her company and attention.

I can agree that one shouldn't just to find another lover as a revenge cheat. That just hurts everyone. If you are completely moving on and have zero expectation for R, then there shouldnt be any issue with dating someone. It also helps to see that there are plenty of other people in this world that are more than happy to show you the love and attention you deserve. Thats my humble opinion.

[Did]

Hey all. Whoa touch subject huh?! Haha. I’m good I can take it. I haven’t introduced the new woman to my daughter. She’s an amazing person and a child psychiatrist to boot. I’m going to give XW one more chance to meet her first.

Remember my separation started June 2017 to all who weren’t following my sitch. 3 months in my X told me to date and was almost living with someone. We weren’t divorced until recently but the marriage has been over.

Either way I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Going to clear space on my life next year to make time for life coaching people on happiness and how to use expired relationships and adversity to build themselves a better future. Using circumstance to open doors instead of close them.

Thanks for the opinions positive or negative I know the intentions are good. The future is extremely bright. Cheers!

[ovrrnbw]

Are you guys actually divorced now? I didn't know you even filed already.

[neffer]

Thanks for the update Did. Glad of where you are standing now.

[AnotherStander]

Did, sounds like you are doing great, keep it up!

Are you guys actually divorced now? I didn't know you even filed already.

It was in his 02-27 update, previous page.

[Did]

I wondered how everyone is doing here?

Since my rocky and turbulent separation and divorce. I got a life coaching certification, joined a highly producing real estate team,wrote a few articles for a blog, got engaged, bought a house. Divorce, coparenting, finances of course there are always issues, sometimes sadness and negative emotions. But every emotion is beautiful be grateful for what you have had, lost and stand to gain in the future.

I was reading some posts on here. Obviously it’s all one sided but many of your wives or ex’s do not currently deserve to be in a relationship with you. If she were a new woman would you “ wife her up or hit it and quit it”. If she’s not wife material at this point do not treat her as such. She will just pull further away. Give all your energy to yourself - building a positive future and taking care of children, never accept less than 50/50 custody and stop pursuing your ex partner if she left you. That relationship is over. Cut the chord. I ended up with a blood clot in my calf and almost got spinal fusion surgery during my separation. Sht is stressful. Learn from our mistakes. Easier said than done but I felt urged to chime in today.

To all that helped me on my journey. Thank you so much. I’ll never forget you.

If anyone is interested in contacting me and catching up on our journeys - [e-mail]

Cheers, make it a great day!