I wish your story wasn't so familiar , but you found a great place for support.
Everything that "works" is counter intuitive. Set him free to get him back. (if that is your long term goal)
Originally Posted by dillydaf
I'm also considering at some stage asking him to regularly sleep over one night a week, because I find it really disruptive not knowing whether I will see him at the weekend (my older teen will sometimes visit his flat for a night and he brings him back, my younger teen won't visit him). Would this be too much pressure?
Do not ask him this. Too much pressure. You want him pursuing you.
yeah you're right, thank you Ready2Change. Plus when he's slept over I've got over emotional and scared him, so in the long term it's probably not a great idea. Though he is coming along for part of our family holiday in April. I booked it, told him he's welcome to join us and then left it up to him and he booked a flight over for a couple of days in the middle. Maybe instead I'll ask him to tell me his weekend plans for a fortnight in advance. Our kids can look after themselves but need driving to an activity every Saturday and most Sundays. I find it hard to plan stuff if he won't be there to do that if I'm not around. I need a boundary there, particularly since his refusal to let me know his diary before was a massive bone of contention (don't think he was or is having an affair, just a childish refusal to give me basic info on what his diary was on a regular basis)
