Of course she is going to blame you. However, I see some expectations from you about getting blamed. Keep expectations at zero. You will still get blamed but will not be ready to blame back.
Instead of “I am sorry you feel that way”.
How about “Great! I was wondering where I left those stupid passports. Damn I thought I had lost them and was going to have to get new ones. Where do you find them? This is great!”. That should change the direction of the conversation.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Well dnj you certainly nailed that one about expectations how wrong was I then . W came round last night ,here we go I thought but no ,I explained passport gate to her and surprisingly no spewing no drama nothing. Well to say shell shocked is an understatement but no accepted the reasons I give her and everything was good . I wasn’t Going to push it with the “oh glad you found them scenario “ I was happy to leave it at that lol . So as it is all is ok for now . And today then sun is out no anxiety, no stress no cycling I will enjoy the peace for what it is .
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
HI everyone . I was just reading a post by cadet I think it was and in the post described a low energy mlc could someone please elaborate for me including the behaviour of said low energy mlc quite interested to get a handle on that .
HI everyone . I was just reading a post by cadet I think it was and in the post described a low energy mlc could someone please elaborate for me including the behaviour of said low energy mlc quite interested to get a handle on that .
Copy pasted from elsewhere:
Attributes of Low-Energy MLCers
Fantasy Affair Emotional Affair Workaholic Work may become an alienator Overt Depression Less Monster Crisis may seem milder Suppressed anger and rage Move out of the marriage bedroom
Less likely than High Energy MLCers to… Have a physical affair (If a physical affair) Have an Affair Down (If a physical affair) Have in-fatuation addiction or an emotionally-bonded affair Leave home soon after bomb drop Many will eventually leave, but not for a few years. Be a Clinging Boomerang Clinging Boomerangs maintain an emotional attachment and connection to their spouse, Wallowers withdraw emotionally.
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
Hi all quick question regarding the dreaded timelines. am I right in thinking that the time the mlc started was a couple of years prior to bd . I hear timelines but just want to be clear when this actually started .i know it’s starts at bd for the lbs but when would it most likely have started prior to that for the mlcer.
There is a timeline leading up to the crisis and that is 18-24 months. This is the timeline whereby something sets the crisis in motion and there is an 18-24 month timeline once the crisis is over calling the "settling in period" whereby reconnection takes place. Both timelines are not the actual clock setting timeline you are looking for. Generally, when you the LBS gets the BD, that is the time is will start as well for the MLCer. Up to that point, they are just thinking about things and once the BD happens, all h@ll breaks loose and there is no turning back for them.
Try to remember that each person in crisis will have similar behaviors, actions, words, but each is unique because of the childhood issues and personalities. Some complete in 2-5 years and others could b 7, 8, 9 10 or never come out of it. So timelines are just a guide.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thankyou job for that reply With regards to the reconnection if it happens, surely their feelings are different to how they felt before the mlc started. What happens inside of them that wants them to reconnect with the lbs .
I think my H is reconnecting now. It was absolutely that he feared the loss of everything he left behind. His divorce was on file, I was pushing ahead with it, and I stopped my part of the dance so he no longer felt secure that I was sitting on the side waiting for him.
