I have some time right now to type out the chain of events that have occurred to today.
The Meetup I received an alert that there was a social meetup that Friday evening the Wednesday before. Conveniently, grandma was available to watch D5, so I had the opportunity to make the most of my free evening if I chose to spend it out of the house. And I took advantage. I put on my night-out outfit (dark jeans, brown oxford shoes, tan vest, blue shirt, brown sports coat) and headed into the city with no expectations for anything except for continuing to work on my socializing and my attraction game. Probably the GAL activity I have been needing to do for months.
Once I got there, I dove right in and just started to socialize. I talked to a group of older women about travel and kept up a half hour conversation with an older woman. There was not any chemistry or sparks that flew between us, but there was a certain level of attraction that I sensed from her.
I excused myself to get a drink from the bar. As I approached the bar, a tall, younger woman followed behind me and ordered a drink for herself. While we waiting for our drinks, we started talking. Within the first five minutes, I sensed a STRONG amount of attraction from her. She introduced herself and I did the same. Once we got our drinks, we stayed at the bar and continued to talk. After about a half hour or so, I asked that if could sit down and continue to talk. She suggested to go the group and converse there. For the next three or so hours we were taking to each other a lot. Stuff about where we were from, some of the stuff we like and whatnot. The attraction was high (or she may be set up bait to trap me?) when she showed me some of her music on her phone that she likes and suggested that we go see something together (Moment 1). She got hungry and ordered some food from the bar. She brought it back and offered to share with me (Moment 2?). We continued and she was touching me on my arm, playing with her jewelry, basically stuff showing me that there was a high level of interest. During the evening I had to use the restroom (weightlifing requires a lot of water consumption, apparently) a couple of times. The second time I got up, she asked me if I was leaving. I said no. In my mind I was going to ask this person out. I had to. Finally, she said she had to go home as she had some social stuff to do the next day. I told her that I would walk her out to her car. We made small talk briefly and then I told that I really enjoy talking to her and that I would like to see her again. She agrees and gives me her phone number and told me of a day she is available. I agree to the day and told her I would call her with the place sometime over the weekend. We hug and go to our homes.
The leadup I called her two days later and left a short message confirming our date and location. Three hours later, D5 asked to talk to her mom. I dialed and put the phone on speaker for her to talk. I then leave the room. 10 minutes later the conversation stops and I hear a dialtone. Sensing something was off I got up and checked to see who she was calling. She was calling my date. I hungup quickly. She called back sounding irritated. I fumbled an apology and hung up. I smiled and told my D5 that she may have inadvertently cancelled my date. D5 cried and I told her that she doesn't have to be sorry. It was an accident. Some ice cream and snuggles later, we go about our evening. I accept the fact that my chances with her are over and I just need to move on.
The next morning, I still feel a little down about a potential opportunity gone.
She then texts me to remind me who she was and were we met (I remember). She then agrees to the date and confirms plans for the next day. Woohoo!
I go home that evening and get my outfit ready to meet her and put it in my car. The next day rolls around and I heard nothing from her, which I expected.
Five hours before we were supposed to meet, she texts me telling me she is feeling sick and she cannot make it. Ok. It happens. I give her the benefit of the doubt and ask if she wants to reschedule to which I did. The next attempt would be a week and a half away.
I was a little bummed that she cancelled but I told myself that I was going to get dressed and go out anyway, which I did. And I had a pretty good time. It was an uneventful evening, but very very cold. In the back of my mind, I considered that a blessing, since I don't think she would have enjoyed herself in that weather. Bullet dodged.
Attempt two The week and a half goes by and we don't chat with each other. As far as I was concerned, the date was happening until she tells me it wasn't. I had my set of nice clothes I changed into the evening of and headed out, expecting her to be there. I told myself that if she ghosts me, I will have a good time nonetheless. So either way, I win.
I get into the city and I get a message from her informing me that she has to cancel again. This time due to her being physically exhausted from the week's events. I read the message and continue to drive. Bummed out again, I told myself that she was a flake and shouldn't be bothered to go any further.
She then texts me again 30 minutes later asking me if I got her message since my phone told me the message has been "read". Huh. (Red Flag?)
I pull over and we start talking. She told me that we don't need to go silent between seeing each other and that we should chat in between. (Red Flag?) I told her that I was in the city anyway to have an evening to myself. She told me that depending on where I am at and how she is feeling she may drive downtown to meet me. I gave off a cool, happy, "whatever" response and told her to just let me know. I go and have another great evening to myself, but I'm also talking to her throughout the evening. She then tells me that she is too tired and does not want to get out of her pajamas to meet me. Fair enough. I asked her if we should try to schedule a date one more (and in my mind, final) time. She agrees and we set plans for the following Tuesday.
We continue to chat over text off and on through the Saturday. That evening she tells me she is going out to watch some music with a friend. I tell her to have a good time and chat with me if she is bored.
She calls me and we proceed to talk for about 40 minutes. The first thing she said was an apology for her cancelling the two dates. She told me of the reasons and went into detail about them. I told her that life happens and she never has to explain to me why she had to cancel (she had to travel, got laid off from her job and had to find a new job quickly). We talk some more and hang up. She is texting me throughout the evening sending me pictures of what she is doing along with a small video of the venue she is at. I told her that it all looks fun. I settle in the for evening and wished her a good night and to call me if she needs someone to keep her awake when she has to drive home. I didn't get the call but I did get a text back about a half hour later. I got up about a half hour after that and decided to call her and talk. We talk for another 20-30 minutes and we hang up.
I turn up my flirting game just a little the next day. We chat periodically back and forth (she was at work). At the end of her workday, she tells me about her final day and how sad it was. I tell her to get something nice for herself and have a relaxing evening.
She then texts me a couple of hours later asking me for a selfie (Red Flag?). I responded with one and she sent a selfie of her skiing. Light chat.
The next day we chat a little and I continue to flirt and turn up the heat a little more. That evening I had a different Meetup event I wanted to go to so I got ready for that. She texts me that evening asking me what I was up to. I told her and she called, to which we talked for about 15 minutes before we hung up. I had my meetup thing, she had hers. Still feeling strong feelings of attraction from her. Still feeling good about the date the next day.
Date day. I chat a little more throughout the morning. One message she sent me was about how good I looked in the clothes I was wearing when we first met. I told her to wait for the evening and she will see how "dapper" I will look with a wink.
Bomb Drop Shortly after, she tells me that she is excited to see me and spend time with me, but she is not in a position to pursue anything romantic. She is not emotionally ready for a relationship and just want to keep us as friends right now. Ok. A little deflating, but I told her that I understood and that we can talk more about that topic that evening. Our plans to meet were still on.
I have told other folks about what happened and I was overwhelmingly told that she is playing me, I am falling for her tricks, that I need to move on quickly and forget about her. All good reasons to essentially cut my losses and move on.
That evening, I get dressed and head downtown to meet her. She texts me about 45 minutes before we meet apologizing to me that she hasn't gotten back to me because she was napping. She asks me if we're still meeting. I told her "Absolutely. I am going to eat something delicious tonight!" She laughs and tells me that she'll get ready and meet me at the restaurant.
15 minutes later she meets me at the restaurant. Our friendly hangout session begins. I'll provide details in the next post.
And I am also looking back on the sequence of events and I now see a lot of red flags for what has happened. And I do see a few things that she has done that tells me she is playing with me. That being said, I still sensed a good amount of attraction from her. And it was apparent during our hangout.
