I like my schedule especially for the kids. I have to get up super early but I am also off early and can pick them up from school. My biggest problem is getting them to school as I leave early or work. But I am making a life for myself and them, I put an offer on a house yesterday. It's going to stretch my budget a little but I think it was a good purchase and investment.
I keep replaying the episode with my wife yesterday in my head. I am thinking to much about her today but this will pass. I could almost feel her reaching out for friendship yesterday but I am not interested in being friends. I would only really want to R or just be cordial for the kids.
I feel that if I where to be just friends that I would be selling myself short and not being true to my feelings. Believe me there are days when I want to just call her and tell her how my day was or play tennis with her. maybe do something with the kids together. But I don't because I know that will only lead to more heartache and misery down the road for me.
She asked for space and time so I am giving it to he and watching from a distance. I am praying daily for her safety, I also pray for the other man in her life as a way for me to find forgiveness in my heart. That might be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
But I keep going getting a little better and stronger everyday. It's funny I was just telling DNJ on here the the N/C looks like its going to last a long time. Low and behold she came out to talk with me yesterday. Did it go well ? I don't know looking back I think I did okay. I was nervous but I looked and acted confident I wasn't overly polite but I wasn't rude either.
I guess I have to work on accepting the good as well as the bad. It's just it seems like it's been bad for so long it's hard to say something positive when it happens.
Thank you everyone for all of your help I hope I can pay it all back when I get to a place I can call success ! Whatever that may look like.
