It's still early in the game but anxiety still comes over me. She could easily have not told me and could have set up other means of communication because she said she didn't want me to see the number and think they were in contact. They could have set up another means of communication so this didn't happen but he called her phone that she has given me the password to.
If she wants to cheat, then there is always a way. However, if she volunteered this information, then I believe you should show her as much emotional support and encouragement that you can.
If she is genuinely trying to end all contact with OM, then she needs to know that she can show you any attempted contacts from OM without you having a heart attack or getting into a sour mood. I want you to understand that your response will determine a lot. If she feels she has to protect you from the truth, then keeping those secrets could pull her backwards. The last thing you need to show is anger. Look, she's trying to be transparent, so if she sees you getting into a tizzy.......it won't be worth the ordeal for her. I try to be understanding in how it triggers your emotions. I'm just telling you how it works from her side of things.
Do you see what I am trying to say? I believe implementing a transparency plan should be teamwork. Your part is not only verifying her accounts, but also the one who encourages her. To be fully accountable and transparent can make her feel as being in a somewhat child - parent type of situation where you are the parent and she is the child. If she is humbling herself like a child and approaching you to show that she's "being good"........then she needs some positive response from you. A pat on the back, a nod of your head, and a word of thanks goes a long ways.
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I told her I appreciated her telling me and her honesty.
That was the best response you could have given.
Some H's want to have a discussion about her feelings, or he'll start talking about how OM is scum. She doesn't want to hear that stuff. She wants validation for choosing to be open and honest with you. If you need to take a walk or to the gym to work off some emotions, then go do it. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure it would be very hard for me not to have emotions at the news this other person was trying to contact my spouse.
As long as you find nothing that suggests she is not being completely honest with you, then do your best not to dwell on thoughts of "what she/they could do". That's not to say you should just take everything at face value. Be smart and verify. ''
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
