Weekend was busy. Got the house ready for picture day tomorrow and it looks really good. Saturday put in 10 long hours of moving stuff and helping the painters. Inside and outside look good and the eastern redbuds in the backyard right now look really nice. It feels really, really good to declutter and let go of all the unnecessary things we hold on to. AND the BOXES I have been hoarding are finally put back to use! I don't know if I am the only one who does that, save the boxes for certain items to put them back into later on.
Nicole, W is difficult no doubt about that. I am too though. I wonder which of us is more difficult than the other, lol. It could be me. It's been hard for me to describe my feelings about the IHS. I find myself typically saying I have been unhappy just as W has been but I remain loyal. That hinders me from 100% moving on because all my life I've been codependent on women for a lot of my happiness. From sexual intimacy to female companionship. I am happy with myself that I haven't caved in and sought attention from other women outside of my current friendships with women from work. I think this has set me back though in the way I currently am wired. I can seek male friendships but I am sort of very guarded there. I can only trust so many guys, and mostly its my day 1 friends from childhood. IHS does not allow W to feel that I am gone. She sees me every day and I am just an obstacle in her way of happiness. I don't even see her any more. Today we sat at our grand table that seats 12 with S6 and I said something to him. W looked at me and asked if I said something to her, I said no. We channel our energy and conversation to the little one. His laughter makes us laugh. And we're like two strangers to each other. Giving this awkward distance and silence.
FS, I've tried and failed miserably at trying to respond in so few words to the rejection. I've let it sit for a couple days and I think I am coming across in a way I may be oblivious to.
The agreement stemmed from when my brother and I helped her sister move out of her house she sold. My younger brother is huge and lifts weights pretty regularly as a 6'3 big ole ape guy. I'm a big guy too but with a big keg belly. I noticed her side of the family, all shorties(even the men) waiting for him to do the heavy lifting. Some of the guys would bubble wrap the drawers to the chester drawer and wait for him to move them so we both moved them. W also spent hundreds of dollars to feed the crew of ppl. The sister also had other friends helping her paint etc. We chose not to burden our friends or family. We chose to hire people or do it ourselves.
I'm a practical guy. I can give up not being her H. The guy who is coming , the fiancé, he's a good nice guy, I consider him a friend. He'll drop what he's doing to help anyone anywhere. He lives 1 hour out. My W lied about having this meeting with them and speaking to the sister, the realtor and having both men there saying they offered to help. My S11 told me she didn't go anywhere that week. They weren't even over. She might have talked to her sister thru messaging and the sister could have asked her fiancé. IF I was "replaced" as the H by a working crew we hired, why would I be more accepting of that than "putting out" friends I know? I see it as her using people, people I know.
W did the touch up painting in the house. When W got to the room and she messed up the painting there we knew we had to repaint the whole room. I told her I would help her if needed OR I got my next door neighbor to see about his guys to hire. She said hire them. I said okay. I have no issue with that.
Saturday, I moved furniture from the MBR. I folded the treadmill up against the wall and she said it will do for now. I told her if it gets moved out the room it will require me to dismantle it. She said it was fine there Saturday night. Sunday I had plans for me and my S11 to get a haircut. Early in the morning she goes to breakfast with her family. She calls and tells me her nephew is coming over to help move the treadmill. I'm like "you know its not dismantled" She sighs and says well hes coming over to help, do you want me to call him to cancel." This is another way she is controlling and expecting me to do something without running it by me. So I asked her, Does he know it will take a while to dismantle?" She said yes he will be there for 2 hours. He shows up in like 15 minutes and asks where is the thing to move. He's got his GF in the car and they are going out to eat. We had to reschedule so I asked him what my W said. He said they must have miscommunicated because he couldn't be there but maybe 5 minutes. She comes home and acts like nothing happens. I do too. Later that night I dismantled the treadmill on my own time. She asked me if it was okay to call him over now and we worked it out. That's just normal and was decent.
If I decide to help her, that's on me. She can not expect help from me. That was my whole point. If I decide to go out to eat with my sons and ask her to go along, that's on me. But she cant go out with our boys and expect me to tag along.
Last night, after I dismantled the treadmill and she felt good, she ordered food and came into the MBR asking me to take a bite from her bowl from her spoon. "It was just that good" she said. I looked at the spoon as she approached and aptly told her no thanks, I'm going to get my own plate. Guess what she did. Passive Aggressive. She got mad and yelled about something I cant even remember, some slight annoyance from S6. (I'm not even going to share straws with this woman let alone eat off her plate or use her utensil. cooties)
My W sense of entitlement is through the roof. There's more, lots more but I don't want to come here and bash on her and use this as an outlet for that. I try not to. I apologize if it comes across that way too because I know I am at fault for my own actions and I am here to try and fix that.
Your H has no right to question your decisions. Maybe its just my personal opinion, but walking away I wonder though, if you both agree to something, say if he chose to pick up the kids at a certain time and he chose not to, would be it at least decent to discuss it with you first or have you find out after the fact? Because they do one or two bad things or display bad behavior, it doesn't get them off the hook for other things. No card blanche if you will.
My W can change her mind. No qualms with that. We talk about the cashier and being nice. Having some decency to be human and not overly doing anything. That's what I am getting at too. I remember so many times I told her I would go with her to her family's house for dinner and later on that night I reneged on it and I wonder how she felt about those times.
I think many of us here struggle with how we were so hardwired to the R that completely letting go takes a while.
DV much hugs to you. Always appreciate the support. more on them definitely and less on her.
ovrrnbw, You said it. I got goaded and baited. I hate that. I'm falling off. I need to re-enroll into this. 4 months in and I feel like I am in limbo here too. I'm getting more comfortable.
Me and the boys are doing great. I'm going out with S11 for dinners. We'd go shopping together. S6 he likes when we hit the stores for his little toys. Been with S6 riding his bike with training wheels. Going to give it a little more time before I take the training wheels off. S11 and I discuss anime. Really cool stuff. He's also into basketball. We got rid of the small hoops so no bball for now. Going to start taking him jogging around the lake here. Our home where he was born... will be out of here in a few months. I'll miss this place.
Which reminds me, I need to check defacto for TX. Lawyer didn't mention that but from watching more current videos and where I thought I had enough questions, I guess I don't. need to speak to a couple more. that's next plan. Anyone know about de facto and custody rights for Texas? I'll email my lawyer I consulted with to be sure.
What are people's thoughts if I told W I wasn't leaving the new house either. Could she force me out if I'm not on the title? What does that do besides bringing IHS to the new place?
Maybe best option is to use that time for physical split and then see... Then laissez les bons temps rouler as they say next door.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
