What I consider detachment is uncoupling your feelings from W. Detachment brings an end to the uncontrolled and irrational causing of feelings within you due to your W’s actions, behaviours, or even just thoughts of her. You still feel those feelings, it is just you gain back control of them.
Time and space are excellent for helping you find this regaining of control. I think you may be farther along than you give yourself credit. How do you sleep? Can you sleep through the night?
Your statement of thinking about her at times and missing her and all the little things is normal. I am assuming you feel pain and anguish when thinking about her. Does it incapacitate you? Bring you to your knees? I believe you are passed that from what I’ve read. That is detachment.
Your feelings when you think of her are withdrawl from your addiction to her. All perfectly normal, and a painful process to get through. This all takes time and leads to letting go, over coming fears, and indifference. Not necessarily in any particular order, kind of all at the same time, with little bits of each staring and stopping along the way.
Indifference is when your feelings for her are greatly reduced or muted. Something for you to realize and consider. You will get to a place when you don’t feel like you do right now, don’t feel for her almost at all. If you want to be in this for the long haul, even if you don’t, find yourself. Discover Father5.
See what your beliefs, values, and convictions really are. Find what you are willing to die for, and what you are willing to negotiate. From here look at yourself. Are you happy with who you are? Change any beliefs you want to change, make yourself better, become the person you always wanted to be. This is a profound and life altering journey, not for the faint of heart.
I know you do not want this mess you are in. At the start I certainly didn’t want my path that I was force on to. Now, I would not trade it in, the gifts are far better than the cost. You have a rare opportunity that most people will never experience. You have access to the deep recesses of yourself, you can view and alter - you.
I know you are not at that point, I am just showing a path, showing you better not bitter. You are on your path and it will take time.
And you currently have the gift of time, use it well.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
